In the past, she would have jumped up to help him, thus encouraging his behavior and neglecting her own work. This time, however, was different. When her husband asked her in an agitated tone where his shirt was, she calmly told him the truth: "I don't know." A few minutes later he slammed the door as he rushed out. Janet made absolutely no comment, critical or otherwise, and so she was surprised when he called later to apologize. "I'm sorry I was so childish this morning," he told her.

Respecting your husband means that you don’t tear him down. For example, telling him how to load the dishwasher is insulting. You might as well be saying, You mean you can’t even do something as easy as that? Naturally, comments like that stifle intimacy. We embraced a childish belief that if we were always in charge, things were more likely to go our way. The woman is the fiber of the nation. She is the producer of life. A nation is only as good as its women.” —MUHAMMAD ALI” Having female support is cited by Doyle as a critical component for success for the woman who chooses to surrender. They do seem completely bizarre at times, but there are some characteristics that are universally male that I'm very grateful for.

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But later, after being such a great husband, listening to all of her issues ALL WEEK LONG, emphasizing until you would think he is a girl, he wants to talk about some FEELINGS OF HIS OWN. Just as fish are always the last to discover they are in the ocean, those of us who survive by trying to control things around us are often the last to recognize our behavior. We tell ourselves that we are trying to instruct, improve, help others, or do things efficiently – never that we are so afraid of the unpredictable that we do everything in our power to insure a certain outcome.

You will also have more time and energy to focus on what’s most important to you. Whether your desire is to have a more harmonious family, run a top corporation, or both, you’ll feel increasing pride as you realize your goals faster than ever before. Surrendering has a way of bringing out the best in us, both as individuals and as wives, which is why it’s so worth doing. You feel the urge to protect yourself with aloofness or insults. It’s just human nature. Flinging some hurtful arrows his way seems not only justified, but necessary. Part of my reason for considering it is that she claims that couples counseling rarely works. My own experience is that it has been the kiss of death for two prior relationships I had, so I'm not anxious to try it again. And some of her other ideas make some sense. Still.... Those of us who have trouble trusting others when every rational indicator says that we are safe are reacting to our own fear. We may be afraid that we won’t get what we need, or that we’ll get it too late. It could be fear that we’ll spend too much money, or have to do extra work. It could also be, and often is, fear of loneliness, boredom or discomfort. If you are like me and find yourself driven to correct, criticize and conquer a partner, then you are reacting to your fears. Whatever the situation, if you do not react to your fear of the outcome, you don’t need to try to dominate, manipulate or control it. As it turns out, my fears were a conditioned response I had developed over the years to hide my own vulnerability¯the soft underbelly that exposes me to both the greatest pain and the greatest pleasure. I hid my softness as much as I could because I believed it was unattractive. Ironically, the people I found most endearing and easiest to connect with had the ability to expose their real fears, joys, guilt, needs and sadness. I was drawn to their openness and warmth. I found them engaging. Reading this while in an unhealthy relationship is damaging and dangerous. I stayed far too long and this book did much more damage than good. Read moreWomen say that they want the emotional closeness. They want that connection. They want their man to listen and emphasize with their feelings. No problem, I am happy to do that. I want to be there for my woman in every way. That's it. If you do those two things on an ongoing basis, a passionate, healthy sex life will return. Well you will definitely know what men need after reading TAM for a while: what they really need is blow jobs. :wink2: Doyle does not fit my mental picture of a "surrendered wife". Throughout our first meeting, her husband jumps up and down to the buffet, getting her whatever she tells him she wants. Sometimes she doesn't even have to tell him. His greatest wish seems to be to make her happy. Once when Janet's husband was rushing around in a panic like a little boy who needed his mother to help him find his shirt, she found herself watching him with amusement, detachment and even a sense of smugness. "It's not my job to rescue him," she told herself.