What is wrong about sex anyway?" asks Jane. "People just make it sound wrong. But sometimes, it ain't wrong at all."

Several participants were in monogamous relationships described as positive, equal, happy, committed, and fulfilling. Participants expressed enjoyment with doing activities with their partners, like cooking and traveling. When discussing his current relationship, Sanele, a gay identifying man in his 50’s, explained that he is “that type of person who stays in a relationship. Like, I can mention five years, and three years, and another three years as we’re speaking. I’m in a committed relationship that’s been three years running.” HIV and sexually-transmitted infections (STIs) Wells H, Polders LA. Anti-gay hate crimes in South Africa: prevalence, reporting practices, and experiences of the police. Agenda. 2006;20:20–8.

MIXED ETHNICITY OR RACE

Lane T, Raymond HF, Dladla S, Rasethe J, Struthers H, McFarland W, et al. High HIV prevalence among men who have sex with men in Soweto, South Africa: results from the Soweto Men’s study. AIDS Behav. 2011;15(3):626–34.

Beyrer C, Baral SD, van Griensven F, Goodreau SM, Chariyalertsak S, Wirtz AL, et al. Global epidemiology of HIV infection in men who have sex with men. Lancet. 2012;380(9839):367–77.

Show must go on for ‘Timbuktu’ at African film festival

Most young women, she says, are not aware of the dangers. "Some of the girls who disappear around our continent were in these transactional relationships… Looking at the police reports, these are cases of girls who were in relationships with older people, and they were rejected at some point and someone decided to kill them." Johnson LF, Mulongeni P, Marr A, Lane T. Age bias in survey sampling and implications for estimating HIV prevalence in men who have sex with men: insights from mathematical modelling. Epidemiol Infect. 2018;146(8):1036–42. The video is very bad. The men can be clearly identified as they take turns raping and filming her,” she told CNN.

Social media was also discussed as a way to connect with and make new friends. Mamello (early 30’s, identifies as gay) shared that: “ On social media, I’ve got brothers [friends] for life.” Several men discussed perceived generation gaps between them and younger SMM, particularly regarding the use of social media. For example, Rendi described: “ Younger gay men are the most dominating on social media … [they are] more informed than us older gay men, and coming out for them is too easy, because they socialize and communicate with one another.” The Daily Sun, a local tabloid, reports that it alerted the police after a concerned mother whose daughter was watching the video handed it over to the paper on Tuesday. Progress in ensuring that girls and women have bodily autonomy and agency has been slow. Fewer than half of women in Africa aged 15 to 49 make their own decisions about their sexual and reproductive health and rights (including about their own healthcare, the use of contraception and when to say no to sex), according to research from the international agency UNFPA. Grace, the aspiring singer struggling to put food on the table, has a slightly different perspective - to her the similarities with sex work are more apparent.

When participants were asked to describe specific concerns in their lives, many men responded not only being concerned about HIV and STI’s, but also about violence and discrimination due to multiple overlapping identities. Participants reported stigma in school, in the community, when accessing healthcare, and at work. Men described instances of discrimination that they encountered due to their sexual orientation and/or feminine behavior. Several participants described anecdotes of being teased or bullied at school by other students or teachers because of their nonconformity to masculinity. One man shared that being teased for spending too much time with girls at school, which led him to hang out with only boys. Now as adults, many men describe experiences of discrimination based on their perceived sexuality. We all have the freedom to chose to travel this world with an open mind or a with closed mentality. But hopefully you agree that it’s better to make mistakes, confront the glare of our prejudices, and grow than to stand still and bathe in the shadow of ignorance. In sex-positivity, we can all nurture and learn from each other. Six years ago, when she was at university, Shiro met a married man nearly 40 years her senior. At first, she received just groceries. Then it was trips to the salon. Two years into their relationship, the man moved her into a new apartment because he wanted her to be more comfortable. Another two years down the line, he gave Shiro a plot of land in Nyeri county as a show of commitment. In exchange, he gets to sleep with Shiro whenever he feels like it.

Many of the stories shared with us were used to compare how participants engage with sexuality now with when they were younger. Participants often said that they are now interested in relationships, and that they are not just looking for casual sex. Lenka said this succinctly: “ I would say the only change is that I am no longer sleeping around for experience. I now sleep with someone who I am in a relationship with than previously, when I would sleep with whoever I’m attracted to.”Rape is a young man’s crime. It’s a bit of a performance for them, showing off to each other how macho they are. We need to teach our young men that you can be masculine in ways that do not involve violence and degrading women,” she said. Starks TJ, Doyle KM, Millar BM, Parsons JT. Eriksonian intimacy development, relationship satisfaction, and depression in gay male couples. Psychol Sex Orientat Gend Divers. 2017;4(2):241–50. Silvestre AJ, Hylton JB, Johnson LM, Houston C, Witt M, Jacobson L, et al. Recruiting minority men who have sex with men for HIV research: results from a 4-city campaign. Am J Public Health. 2006;96(6):1020–7.