One of the other theories surrounding the girls' disappearance was that they had been sold into "white slavery." While I didn't know what this was, I intuitively knew it involved sex. Adults did not so much as pause before discussing the kidnapping of the girls and the possibility that they had been murdered, but their hushed tones and grim faces when "white slavery" was mentioned made me know it was about sex. And I could tell that it was something bad, shameful, and not to be talked about. Yet it was something being done to me all the time. I’m not here for public videos showcasing fed up parents beating their children, no matter their offense. For a kid to understand the effectiveness of a spanking, there has to be a level of trust with the parent and after the child has gotten spanked, there should be a clear understanding of what they did wrong. That would require having a chat with a child about their wrongdoings, at some point. Once the punishment becomes public social fodder, and humiliation is used, that trust between the parent and a child can easily be broken. The easiest thing for a man to hear is when your girl calls you and says, ‘My father’s an asshole. I have to get out of here.’ Then he knows he’s got her. You don’t even have to take her anywhere. She’s just happy that you showed up for her at all. Switched!: Whilst Sara is being driven home from school by her mother, having been suspended, a freak of nature occurs and mother and daughter find themselves in each others' body! Sara is due to be punished when her father gets home, but who is actually going to get spanked now? If the “last straw” happened in front of Dad, though, you might hardly see the belt coming off. You wouldn’t think a man could remove his belt that fast… it was like the belt loops were greased or something. Usually 2–3 hard swats that would be remembered for more than a day.

Some of the hardest times in life never completely end, and this was just the beginning of a long process -- unhealthy, complicated and, of course, unsuccessful by definition -- of using men to give me what Daddy had given me when I was so young and impressionable. The abuse was the center of my universe. I created an imaginary friend, Charlotte, who was the only one I confided in. I had conversations with Charlotte in my head all the time about the ways my father touched me. We would devise elaborate strategies, some plotting to get rid of my dad so he'd stop doing it and others scheming to get rid of his girlfriend so he would never stop thinking I was special. I think there are misbehavior that justify ridiculous punishment and totally embarrass a parent because they’re at their wit’s end, but it doesn’t get you the result. It depends on the kid. Some kids are sensitive to getting beatings and it affects them. They respond to it. When I was in the middle of third grade, my parents decided farming was not going to be their future and Dad found a good “regular job”. So, my family moved down the highway to the bigger town of Hondo.The abuse stopped when I was 9, and I became a voracious masturbator. I longed to relive the sensation that had grabbed me between the legs and had felt so good. I would lie on my stomach and rub around the outside of my vagina until I came. Sometimes I used the stream of water from the bathtub spigot. My father once walked in on me taking a bath and masturbating in that way, and he didn't say a word about it. If your 13-year-old disappeared for three days and reappeared in a skimp outfit–what would you do? I polled three fathers, each of them have daughters. Here’s what they had to say: If it was serious and during the day, Mom might quietly say “Wait until your Father comes home” instead of dealing with the punishment herself. That always put a damper on the day, and the evening was usually no better. About a year ago, I happened upon this statement about the Monitor in the Harvard Business Review – under the charming heading of “do things that don’t interest you”: According to WPTV in Okeechobee, Dale Garcia called the sheriff’s office after returning home from Walmart to find his two 12-year-old daughters arguing over a tablet computer.

But the sex itself wasn't necessarily enjoyable for me. I wanted the sex, no doubt, but I also used it to keep feeling ashamed. I was casual and cavalier about having sex, refused to take it seriously -- and as a result ended up feeling awful about some of the sexual choices I made. It reminded me of how my mother always said, if you have to ask “Is this wrong?” it’s likely you already have the answer in your heart of hearts. This 13-year-old girl, no matter what she did while she was away for three days, has trust issues with her father. Wherever she was, she felt like she wasn’t able to talk to her father. Many teenagers feel this way about their parents. It’s these pivotal adolescent years that change us. We go from bright-eyed bushy-tailed optimists to angry know-it-alls who finally see that our parents aren’t perfect. This realization manifests in different ways for different teens.

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Around the same time, I initiated a phone sex relationship with Mr. Bernard, the neighborhood "perv." He lived alone; he was normal looking, maybe 60 years old. I don't know how we kids knew he was a "perv" -- it was just common knowledge, information passed along, as many things were, by the older, wiser sisters of my peers. My friend Kathy's parents used to tell us, "Oh, leave him alone, he's just an old alcoholic man." But the wisdom of the sisters reigned supreme. At slumber parties, we would crank call him and scream "You're a perv!" into the phone. "We know what you do to little girls," we'd taunt, and then hang up. But you know what? We change lives. And I’m going to argue that we change lives precisely because we force open that too-small box that most human beings think they live in. Over 21 years of parenting four sons I have found that spanking or “whupping” is an evergreen topic which can instantly spark heated debate among parents.

A viral video of a mother disciplining her teenage daughter is being met with mixed reactions online. That’s an individual call that depends on the person,” he says. “If it were me responding as a patrol officer, I would call my sergeant for advice. But personally, I would tell that child, ‘Your mom wanted me to be here because she loves you. She wants to make sure she didn’t harm you because she loves you.’ Then I’d give the child my card and tell him or her to call me if they ever need anything.”Leaves You Wondering: Regan is in big trouble. After a long afternoon of standing bare bottomed in the corner of the living room in full view of her siblings, she has to suffer the further indignity of being spanked over her dad's knee in front of everyone. Sent to her room, she then has to wait for a further spanking before bedtime. If you were to come up with a punchline to a joke about the Monitor, that would probably be it. We’re seen as being global, fair, insightful, and perhaps a bit too earnest. We’re the bran muffin of journalism. The Monitor is a peculiar little publication that’s hard for the world to figure out. We’re run by a church, but we’re not only for church members and we’re not about converting people. We’re known as being fair even as the world becomes as polarized as at any time since the newspaper’s founding in 1908. Recently I read that national radio host Tom Leykis urged his male listeners to "hit on" female victims of incest and sexual abuse: "If you think that a woman's more likely to put out, or more likely to be good in bed because she has a history of abuse, is it wrong to try to find that out and then go for the gold?" At first I cringed in anger that the comment had been made, but then I cringed in shame, knowing that in some ways the comment described me. I had been promiscuous. I had gone out of my way to make sure that my lovers thought I was a talented sexual partner.

My whole life, I have been haunted by an intersection between shame and pleasure. As a young child, I was hurt again and again and led to believe that it was my fault, and that if only I weren't bad, my dad wouldn't do those things to me. But at the same time, I thought I was special because it was happening. I'd tell myself, "Look how much my daddy loves me," but still I knew it was bad and that I should be ashamed. And sometimes I liked the way it felt, but a lot of times I was scared. And I knew that if I told anyone, he would hurt me. Saum clarifies his views on spanking versus abuse when asked if witnessing a spanking, then offering your card, send a mixed message to kids. I was desperate, and needy. I rarely saw my dad, and when I did he was cold and dispassionate. He didn't treat me the same way, and I wasn't his No. 1 girl. I no longer held his attention, and I was no longer his obsession. I felt that I'd lost his love. I thought the beating was excessive. If my daughter was missing for three days, I’d be angry, but I’d be more relieved she was alive. Clearly, if she felt she could leave for three days at that age, there’s something going on at home. He needs to beat himself because he lost control a long time ago. The deputy then concluded no crime had been committed. The Public Affairs Officer for the Sheriff’s Department refused comment on the incident.Public reaction to the video has been mixed. Some feel Miller went too far, while others said they understand her outrage and sympathize with her intentions. Other peoplesimply disagree with Miller’s decision to broadcast the confrontation on social media. I’m this way,” she tells the person filming while she hits Green with an unidentified object. “You wanna embarrass me on TV? You wanna embarrass me on f—-n’ social media?” Miller slappedher daughter in the face and punched her on her body. “You wanna be a lil THOT, huh? You think that sh-t cute, huh? Being a THOT?”