My Dominant Lesbian Girlfriend: Lesbian Romance and Domination

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Now that you know how to be a dom, let’s talk about why millions of men and women around the world fantasize about Dom/sub sex. What is it that makes dominance and submission so appealing? Well… He Gets to Be Selfish Power dynamics exist in regular vanilla sex too. There’s always a top and a bottom; a ‘less-powerful’ and a ‘more-powerful’ participant. With D/s sex, we just take those roles and dial them up so that the dominant partner is even more dominant, and the submissive partner is even more submissive.

One of the biggest parts of the appeal of D/s sex to subs is how it makes them feel desired. A lot of women fantasize about being utterly desirable to their partners. You’ll also need to think about caveats. For example, part of your arrangements might be for you, as the Dom, to control the finances, but what if you become ill? Is your sub allowed to pay the shared bills while you’re away? What is gynarchy? It is a society led by women, but more than that it is a kind of underground religion with its own norms and moral guidelines - one that combines the kinky sexuality of FemDom with the social and political fire of feminism and the spiritual zeal of Goddess worship and witchcraft. Gynarchy is for those who think feminism doesn’t go far enough.Processing is the tendency to overanalyze and overdiscuss every aspect that can be analyzed or discussed. When it comes to relationships, it turns out this works in lesbians’ favor. According to a 12-year study by John Gottman of the University of Washington and Robert Levenson of the UC Berkeley, gay and lesbian couples are excellent communicators who use fewer “controlling, hostile emotional tactics” when fighting, such as belligerence, domineering, and fear. “The difference on these ‘control’ related emotions suggests that fairness and power-sharing between the partners is more important and more common in gay and lesbian relationships than in straight ones,” Gottman explained. Your partner still needs to feel secure in his/her everyday life, so there are going to be limits to how far you can take things. 5. Choose Your Preferred Terminology Weeks passed before Ella, 25, began to confide in her friends that she had been raped. While she didn't find them to be exactly unsupportive, there was still a consistent and major hurdle: "They are oftentimes surprised when they realize it was a woman who assaulted me." There are also submissive tops, although this is less common (and in some cases indicates that the woman is actually “a switch”). A submissive top will likely want her partner to tell her to “top” her, and she’ll get pleasure from being told what to do.

To know that I could finally come clean to my worrisome friends felt liberating beyond belief. I didn’t care about sacrificing my youth to move to outer London with a swarm of forty-somethings. All I wanted was to be with her full-time, and for it to be out in the open that we were together. Voltairine founded the production company Artvamp in 2000, and has since produced several award-winning feature films. These include the experimental narrative film Profane, which won Best Feature at the Boston Underground Film Festival and Best Film of the Year in the Underground Film Journal, as well as the Creative Capital award-winning documentary Nice Bombs, shot in Baghdad a few months after the beginning of U.S. occupation. Her work has appeared on the Sundance Channel, and many of the films she has worked on have been distributed internationally and shown in festivals and on television worldwide. For her short films, she has received grants from the Princess Grace Foundation and the Film Society of Lincoln Center. She was also given a full merit scholarship to the School of the Art Institute Chicago where she received her Master's in Film and Video.But! While it’s true that lesbians have less frequent sex than their straight counterparts, lesbian sex lasts far longer: As am I. Representation always matters, whether it's in the Halls of Congress or at your local independent theater. Queer women deserve to have their queer female sex represented on screen, without it devolving into typical pornographic tropes: shaved vaginas, sorority sisters, giant jiggly boobs, foot-long dildos, scissoring, a well-hung neighbor guy who just "pops in" for a threesome, etc. There's absolutely nothing wrong with any of these erotic ingredients, per se, but it's formulaic and not particularly representational of most queer sex.

Furthermore, it’s not really that awkward because, if you’re not already planning to have sex with someone, it’s really none of your business whether they’re a top or a bottom – and if they want you to know, they’ll let you know without the need to ask. The main thing that all Doms have in common is that they’re trying to evoke a sense of power and authority over their sub. That’s the basic idea, and that can be achieved through a whole lot of different elements. You can experiment with impact play if your sub is on board with the idea, but if it’s new to either of you, make sure you move slowly. And we all know what happens when you leave oxytocin floating around: trips to Bed, Bath and Beyond.

Learning new dynamics is rewarding.

The sub willingly gives up control because they enjoy being submissive. The key term here is willingly . The sub still has the ultimate control and gets to set his/her limits and boundaries beforehand — they have the final say about what you can/can’t do. As a Dom, it’s essential that you respect those boundaries. Also unsurprising is the prevalence of Tegan and Sara and Ani DiFranco mentions, as well as cult fave TV show "Buffy the Vampire Slayer," which featured one of the first lesbian kiss scenes on U.S. television. Being both a Dominant and a submissive means being uncomfortable, being vulnerable, open, honest, truthful, respectful, have a sense of humor, and a willingness to fail and grow from those failures. Some of you know and have known for a long time that you were one or the other. Some of you may have times where you feel Dominant and at other times submissive (this is called a Switch). Wherever you fall, just be really honest with yourself about who you are and know that whoever you are and however you identify, you is amazing and never let anyone make you feel otherwise. Coming up next... It’s crucial that you understand this and that you don’t take the whole ‘control’ thing too literally. One of the biggest misconceptions about Domming is that it involves him ‘ forcing’ her to do whatever he wants — that’s NOT what it’s about.