There’s always something to know about her that you don’t know. Focus on what the other is feeling, thinking and doing. Should be personal. In a relationship, it’s important to balance their needs to maintain a healthy balance. Though it can be difficult to do at times, it’s essential for your well-being. For him, his needs often involve being able to control and dominate the relationship. This means that he wants to be in charge, and he needs to feel like he’s performing well to feel happy and satisfied. This book has some valid points, like making sure that spouses spend time together, but there are an overwhelming amount of things that make this book not worth the read.

A husband can make himself irresistible to his wife by learning to meet her five most important emotional needs. Ans: If your partner is not meeting your needs in a relationship, it might be because he doesn’t understand them or doesn’t care about them. For example, if you prefer being affectionate and your partner prefers not being touched, he might need to be made aware of this and might be unable to meet your needs in this area. I can only assume that these angry reviewers are unwilling to accept that their own behaviour contributes can lead to an affair. My wife and I listened to this book together on a long car ride, where we could pause and discuss when prompted. This is the worst book on marriage that I have read, there are a host of others I would recommend above it. While Harley claims to write from a Christian worldview, the Gospel and the meaning of marriage is completely absent from this book. That, alone, makes it ineffectual and makes me sad that it's held up by so many Christians. If you have an incorrect view of what marriage represents, then you will also diagnose and treat conflict within the marriage incorrectly. In this book, humans are nothing more than products of biology responding to various stimuli and cognitive biases. Therefore, this is a 2-star book at best. My understanding is much of the material of the book comes from the 1970s, even though the first printing was 1995 and this was an updated 2001 version. Priority 1: AFFECTION (The Cement of our Relationship, the environment of the marriage) attentiveness, warmth, kindness, tender sensitivity

His Needs, Her Needs: Making Romantic Love Last

When a woman finds a man who exhibits all five qualities, she will find him irresistible. Who is The Irresistible Woman? Historical honesty: Reveal information about your personal history, particularly events that demonstrate personal weakness or failure. ENEMIES of Intimate conversation: 1. Making demands, 2. Being disrespectful, 3. Expressing anger, 4. Dwelling on mistakes, past or present.

What is a quality family time? Meals together as a family, going out for walks and bike rides, attending church services, family meetings, playing board games together, reading to the children before bedtime, helping the children with financial planning, family projects and household task-such as preparing and having meals together.

Affection. Her husband tells her that he cares for her with words, cards, flowers, gifts, and common courtesies. He hugs and kisses her many times each day, creating an environment of affection that clearly and repeatedly expresses his care for her. Please use the tool in Appendix B of the book to understand your partner’s needs better. In this part, the author has put in all the needs in a questionnaire in which you and your partner need to fill. Discuss your scores and find ways to meet each other’s needs more effectively. Remember marriage needs continuous effort, so once you start this journey, you cannot stop. In Conclusion: I thought people might have been exaggerating when they claimed this was the best marriage book they'd ever read, but this book was really something. The author's insights are fantastic - for married, divorced, and single people alike. I thought of about five people I'd like to lend it to. I think everyone could benefit from reading it. The appendices were also very helpful. Honesty and openness - Husbands should have no problem turning their schedules over to their wives, especially if they've been unfaithful. When you and your spouse have each completed this questionnaire, you will have identified for each other your five most important emotional needs, and you will have ranked them according to the pleasure you receive when they are met. The needs ranked the highest deposit the most love units when they are met.

Ultimately I was making more withdrawals than deposits. I know now that it's not the grand gestures that make love but the hugs, kisses the "I love you's", the ability to listen and want to listen, the notes and cups of teas. Basically things to say you know what "I give a dam". How often have we heard a lady say " I don't think he really cares!"??. Women are not mind readers .... You need to show people you care !Other reviewers complain about Harley saying women’s most important emotional needs are generally x and men’s are generally y. I think the book is a very interesting read. It definitely has helped my understand that although men and women have the same needs they differ in priority. The three key points I take from it all is - affection, honesty & intimate conversation

Money can be a source of tension in marriage. Especially in the modern world where both men and women are in the workforce. If your spouse prioritizes financial support as an important need in marriage, then you owe it to them to provide. A female friend of mine who is very successful once told me that the biggest challenge she had in dating was finding a partner who could provide for her financially. Despite her success, she still had the need for financial support from her partner. That is something to think about don’t you think? 8. The Need For Domestic Support By 1988 he found himself spending almost all of his time administering his clinics, and very little time doing what he enjoyed most -- improving his marital therapy program. So he began turning his clinics over to the counselors who worked with him, and the ownership of his last clinic was transferred in 1993. Since then, he has written 16 more books and hundreds of articles. A very practical "how-to" book & audio from relationship coaches Susie & Otto Collins that you will love because it gives you 101 words, phrases & sentence starters to help you say it right every time. Women's needs are, "Affection," "Intimate Conversation," "Honesty and Openness," "Financial Support," and "Family Support" (being a good parent). Sexual fulfillment. His wife meets this need by becoming a terrific sexual partner. She studies her own sexual response to recognize and understand what brings out the best in her; then she shares this information with him, and together they learn to have a sexual relationship that both find repeatedly satisfying and enjoyable.

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Harley essentially says that romantic love is a formula. That's bad news to any die-hard romantics, but that's wonderful news to the rest of the world. It means that if we focus on understanding what our spouse's emotional needs are, work to fulfill them - and if they do the same for us - then the love feelings will return. No need to "fall in love" with a new person and have an affair which will obviously damage the marriage. Yet even spouses who cheat can learn how to 100% end their affairs and have love with their spouse again. These repaired marriages can experience the same, if not BETTER quality of love and fulfillment, to boot. (Again, this is an educated psychologist speaking from experience).