Patricia Wants to Cuddle: A Novel

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Allen turns her queer sensibilities on the fascinating parallels between reality TV and slasher films, not least their shared obsessions with survival, sex, and the fear of being eliminated. Is Patricia Wants to Cuddle a satirical comedy, a horror mystery, or a queer coming-of-age story? The answer is all of the above. In a literary gumbo this exhilarating and thoughtful, our expectations can’t help but be redefined.” - Paula L. Woods, Alta

Moderators here. Let’s all be mindful of the forum rules about discussing contestants’ religions. T-Rex dropped spoilers in here 10 minutes ago and we’re already having to delete some comments.A further note: this is the first time I can recall an audio book making a narrative easier to follow rather than harder. The presence of multiple, very skilled readers (Cindy Kay, Justis Bolding, Laura Knight Keating, Susan Bennett, and Jasmin Walker) makes it easier to tell the Catch contestants apart. Your support changes lives. Find out how you can help us help more people by signing up for a subscription And as she and the other contestants begin their final challenges, they slowly start to realise that the island they've been taken to is hiding a terrifying secret - one that could make the final Elimination Event all too real.

Note: after hearing the audio version, I changed my rating to 5 stars. 5 stars shouldn't be reserved for Shakespeare, for Toni Morrison, for Elizabeth Strout. 5 stars means the book is among the very best in its genre; Patricia Wants to Cuddle is among the best humorous novels being published this century.

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T-Rex! I knew you would never abandon us. Some people were starting to think you had gone extinct (pun intended) but no way were you going to leave us in the dark when they’re about to wrap filming. Thank you for these spoilers, but also I’m #TeamAmanda so I kind of don’t want to believe you about Vanessa being the top choice. I think it’s intentional, yes. I think that like a lot of the time as writers, you’re aware of the metaphor you are doing without having set out to do the metaphor. Do you know what I mean? You know when you were at school and you were like, “God, do these writers mean to do all these things that you are being told they were doing?” It’s like, “No, they didn’t at all.” But metaphors become kind of obvious to you after a while. The premise of [Allen’s] fiction debut novel sounds impeccable. It’s the best of romantic reality TV competition shows, the Pacific Northwest, and chosen family, mixed in with a queer Sasquatch.” - Meredith Carey, Condé Nast Traveler There is a lot of gore towards the e Sometimes I come across a book that feels like it was written just for me…Allen masterfully switches between big laughs, inside baseball knowledge of reality TV, bloody viscera, message-board detective work and (perhaps the most surprising) a tender queer love story.” - Juan Velasquez, THEM

I’ve got so many theories on this. I actually wrote an essay about it, which is coming out soon. I think there’s something about liminality. There is something about the way that a sea is so often used, firstly, as a symbol of something forbidden, something which you want to dive into and can’t. So it’s often a very natural setting for coming-out narratives. Okay so, this was MOSTLY a 5-star read for me. It started out very strong by perfectly capturing the voice of a well-known Bachelor spoiler writer (known less-than-affectionately to Bachelor Nation as Rita Skeeter - if you know, you know). From there, it continued to be the most on-the-nose book based on The Bachelor I've ever read - and I've read basically all the ones that aren't straight-up erotica. In fact, I was able to mentally cast almost every show character in my head. In her debut novel, Patricia Wants to Cuddle, Allen combines the two genres to great effect, deftly striking a balance between satire and social commentary, nuanced character studies, the vapid nature of reality TV, horror, and just the right amount and type of humor to bring it all together . . . It’s a wonderful queer story.” - Sarah Neilson, Shondaland When the contestants go to a remote island to go glamping, one night all hell brakes loose. One of the ladies goes missing, then there is a loud metallic bang heard that can be heard across the whole island, which could possibly be a car accident. More people start to go missing, and the island is not as it seems. Enter Patricia, a temperamental, but woefully misunderstood local, living alone in the dark, verdant woods and desperate to forge a connection of her own. As the contestants perform for the cameras that surround them, Patricia watches from her place in the shadows, a queer specter haunting the bombastic display of heterosexuality before her. But when the cast and crew at last make her acquaintance atop the island’s tallest and most desolate peak, they soon realize that if they’re to have any hope of making it to the next Elimination Event, they’ll first have to survive the night.PATRICIA WANTS TO CUDDLE is a fantastic, wild ride that was just pure fun. The plot is a bit bonkers, the twists and turns are unexpected and hilarious, and Samantha Allen just cemented herself as an auto-buy author for me! I enjoyed this book so much and only wish it was longer so that I could have lived in this world for a little more. It is a queer, in all senses of the world, romp that takes the idea of elimination with the confines of a reality show to a whole new level.