Defining moments are social: weddings, graduations, baptisms, vacations, work triumphs, bar and bat mitzvahs, speeches, sporting events. These moments are strengthened because we share them with others. I will say that it felt very business-oriented; there were examples and sections dedicated to explaining how managers and corporations can/have used defining moments to increase employee and customer satisfaction, which resulted in increased profit. However the structure of a defining moment is the same in your personal life, and there are many resources referenced in the text that I’m planning to follow up on with not just my spouse, but people I’m interested in getting closer to as well. If you want to be part of a group that bonds like cement, take on a really demanding task that’s deeply meaningful. All of you will remember it for the rest of your lives.

The Power of Moments is about why certain brief experiences can jolt us and elevate us and change us—and how we can learn to create such extraordinary moments in our life and work. I found the chapter on creating elevating moments especially interesting. The authors provide a recipe on creating such a moment: When you create shared meaning through responsiveness, you develop a purpose. This is as close as you get to a panacea when it comes to productivity. It’s also important to note that this chapter focuses a lot on how ties are deepened through adversity. If you go through something with a group of people, you’ll feel closer to them. The harder it is, the deeper the ties with them will be. What makes a relationship strong? When you perceive that your partners are responsive to you. In three ways: (1) Understanding: My partner knows how I see myself and what is important to me. (2) Validation: My partner respects who I am and what I want. (3) Caring: My partner takes active and supportive steps in helping me meet my needs.To identify milestones, ask yourself: What’s inherently motivating? What would be worth celebrating that might only take a few weeks or months of work? What’s a hidden accomplishment that is worth surfacing and celebrating? When loyal customers were on a flight with a funny flight safety announcement, they flew one half-flight more over the next year than did similar customers who hadn’t heard one. Mostly forgettable” is actually a desirable state in many businesses. It means nothing went wrong. You got what you expected. There are three practical principles we can use to create more moments of pride: (1) Recognize others; (2) Multiply meaningful milestones; (3) Practice courage. The first principle creates defining moments for others; the latter two allow us to create defining moments for ourselves. Do you have one of those moments in your life that had a disproportionate impact on your life? This book about how to create those moments for yourself and others. The Heath brothers, authors of Decisive, have done it again—what an absolute pleasure. Especially the first two chapters on elevating experiences and creating moments of insight were absolutely excellent.

Moments of insight deliver realizations and transformations. They can be small and/or serendipitous. But you can also create them. Many business leaders never pivot to that second stage. Instead, having filled the pits in their service, they scramble to pave the potholes—the minor problems and annoyances. It’s as though the leaders aspire to create a complaint-free service rather than an extraordinary one.

Intuitively, they know about the peak-end principle: People tend to forget the duration of an event and remember the worst or best moment, as well as the ending. In this case, you remember the Popsicle Phone, and how they lead you out the door and wished you a pleasant journey home—but not the average beds. I also agree that, “Purpose trumps passion,” and that, “…purpose isn’t discovered, it’s cultivated.” And, “You can’t deliver a great patient experiences without first delivering a great employee experience.” All sound advice.

Number-heavy organizational goals are fine as tools of accountability, but smart leaders surface more motivational milestones en route to the target. On one study by Adam Grant of Wharton, lifeguards voluntarily signed up for 43% more hours of work after reading four stories about other lifeguards rescuing drowning swimmers. The stories had increased their interest in the work.When you have a sudden realization, one that you didn’t see coming, and one that you know viscerally is right, you’ve tripped over the truth. It’s a defining moment that in an instant can change the way you see the world.

Pret A Manger employees are allowed to give away a certain number of hot drinks and food items every week. For those anxious about facing a future that’s less memorable than the past, Chip and Dan’s advice is to honor the old saw, “Variety is the spice of life.” But notice that it does not say, “Variety is the entrée of life.” Defining moments capture us at our best—moments of achievement, moments of courage. Need to plan for a series of milestone moments that build on each other en route to a larger goal. Mentors can help us stretch further than we thought we could, and in the process, they can spark defining moments.

The surprise about great service experiences is that they are mostly forgettable and occasionally remarkable. To raise the stakes is to add an element of productive pressure: a competition, a game, a performance, a deadline, a public commitment. People’s most memorable experiences are clustered in their teens and twenties. Apparently, the reason why time seems to accelerate as we get older is because we are living a life that’s more routine and less novel. When you are doing something surprising, novel, scary, memorable, you find that time slows down. (Probably why vacation time seems slower than work time.) So make sure that you keep adding moments of surprise and doing things differently on a regular (or irregular!) basis to spice up life and slow time down. The most memorable periods of our lives are when we break the script. In the book, we have two goals: First, we want to examine defining moments and identify the traits they have in common. What, specifically, makes a particular experience memorable and meaningful? Our research shows that defining moments share a set of common elements. Second, we want to show you how you can create defining moments by making use of those elements. Why would you want to create them? To enrich your experiences. To connect with others. To make memories. To launch your life or your career or your team in a new direction."