At first there’s no response. Then, like a scene out of a zombie movie, Mikey’s hand slowly twitches open. David thanks him and does something to the phone, he points to me and motions for me to spin around. I resume my normal squat and am surprised when David walks past me, turning around to face me at about three feet away.. Steve Harrington is definitely looking at his lips, and he’s not even trying to wrestle him off. Eddie starts to shift his weight to his legs so he can get off Steve, but his thigh between Steve’s legs brushes up against the crotch of Steve’s jeans, and he gasps. And then Steve’s gone, running up the driveway to his car. Eddie sits for a moment, stunned at the little show of affection, before he drives to school, smiling the whole time.

Thank God for Halloween parties. His stash has been cleaned out, and his lunch box is filled with bills instead of weed. Eddie may be gay and a virgin, but he’s not stupid. “Oh I see, get your date scared and then distract her, classic move.” Mmmph mmmphing?” Comes a strange sound from beneath me. I lift up and am once again greeted with the comedic sound of gasping and panic.Mikey stares up at me, a dumbfounded expression on his face. “Yeah? You remember. So why are you wanting to do it now?” Mikey groans and reaches under my leg, producing his phone. He does something on it and hands it to me. “Here, I set a timer for 10 minutes. You have to get up when it goes off okay?” Pleasure’s all mine, Munson. Seriously, man, you’re a lot cooler than people give you credit for.” Steve gives him a big smile. Steve’s arm is pressed right up against his now, and Eddie thinks it’s absolutely adorable that Steve seems to think that he’s using his moves on girls during scary movies to distract them when he clearly wants to distract himself cause he’s such a wuss. Eddie tries not to think about how he could distract Steve that way, how he could wrap his arm around him and pull him flush against his side and kiss him stupid. You’re saying my farts are just average, Mikey? How dare you call me average!” I haughtily respond as I lift up even higher so that I can get a good look at his red face. “How do you plead?” I demand.

I still have nightmares of waking up in a dark, smelly cave.” Mikey whines as he attempts to bite my fingers in his face. Eddie starts the engine and bursts out laughing when Steve nearly jumps out of his skin at “Love Bites” by Judas Priest suddenly blasting through the speakers mid-guitar solo. He takes pity on Steve and turns down the music.Okay… can we g-go now?” pleads Mikey as he begins to rise from the floor. “I did what yo-*THUD*” he hits the floor again, my foot planted firmly on the chest of his grey shirt.. I scratch the top of Mikey’s head reassuringly. “D-Don’t worry! I’m helping you. If she sees this and still wants to be with you then she’s a real keeper!” No spoilers. 2 1/2 stars. I'm going to have to look at book blurbs a little more closely in the future... Wh-what!? No way! I did it! It was awful, c’mon David you saw it right?” Mikey looks to the bed where David is. “Tell her I did it, you saw me smelling it the whole time, right?” He appears to be a mixture of outrage and humiliation at this point.

Mmm okay. But I’m pausing the timer and you have to use that air to tell me how great my farts smell. So on a scale of 1-10, one being a flower and ten being the worst thing you’ve ever smelled” I’m fine, it’s just funny that I’m having a good time with Eddie Munson after my girlfriend drunkenly told me she doesn’t actually love me,” Steve says somberly, his smile falling. Why’d you turn around?” David asks as he stares at the top of Mikey’s hair, now visible under my crotch. We have arrived at your destination, thank you for flying air Munson,” says Eddie in his best stewardess voice. Jesus Allie that one was awful, probably the worst one today,” says David as he covers his nose and mouth with the bottom of his green shirt.I give him a reassuring smile. “Think of it as away to know if the relationship will work? It might actually bring them closer together.” Thanks b-” I start, but stop as David walks in front of me and places the can at my feet instead of my open hand. I raise my eyebrow at him and he gives me a wink. I have read Larry Beinhart before ( American Hero, later renamed Wag the Dog: A Novel, like the derived movie, and Fog Facts: Searching for Truth in the Land of Spin, a non-fiction analysis of mainstream media). This book was his first attempt at a pure mystery and surprisingly it won the Edgar (Allen Poe) Award for best mystery of 1986. I lean on my right side and a drawn out *pffft* can be heard from under the blankets. David groans. Yeah. Butt. That’s what I was thinking too!.” I say as I grab the waistband of my pants and jerk them down to my thighs. Revealing a smelly pair of white panties. Thongs are uncomfortable.