If you’re still in love with someone or your ex is still in love with you, you both need distance before you can be friends. So give each other the space to move on, even though you’ll miss them while they do. It is this type of community that Jennie is trying to reconstruct with this book. The type that feels comfortable relying on one another, even for the hard things. The type that can be vulnerable and real with each other, knowing that they will be loved despite their flaws. The type that will laugh and cry and run errands together. And the best part is that she launches this quest for community by being real and vulnerable with us as readers. Part memoir, part self-help, You Will Find Your People uncovers the complex, frightening, and often vulnerable process of building real, healthy friendships and finally creating your chosen family. Moore takes readers on a journey that examines and challenges the ideas of friendship we’ve seen in pop culture, answers every question you’ve ever had about friend breakups, and teaches us how to fearlessly ask for what we want in friendships once and for all. Find any research stats, talk to anyone, and you'll confirm the majority of us are lonely. Modern life after the industrial revolution destroyed communities and "villages" of common life — and the proximate friendships necessary to simply live life, raise families, and be the church.

Forthright and funny. Moore is a consummate truth-teller, [it’s] a brilliant book about friendship.”– Los Angeles Times That knot in your stomach whenever you are around someone? The feeling like you can’t be yourself or you have to put on a show/mask? Trust it and reflect on why it’s there, maybe that person isn’t one of your people. Anyone who fails to accept you for who you are isn’t great fun to be around. Seems obvious but this was a big lesson for me, my anxious attachment style meant that I had an expectation that friends would always be in my life and when they weren’t it was because I wasn’t good enough. This energy in itself can have an impact on the power dynamic of a friendship and once I accepted that people come in and out of your life for a variety of reasons and a variety of time periods, I found liberation in navigating relationships that meant I was no longer in kind to myself. From Lane Moore, the award-winning, critically acclaimed author of How to Be Alone, comes a searingly intimate, yet wildly funny, exploration of the frustrating, messy, and, at times, deeply joyful experience of learning how to make meaningful friendships as an adult. A lot of the book is spent on ways to evaluate and recognize friendships that aren’t what you want them to be, and how that is okay and normal. Friendships are hard and valuable and, as Moore points out, a LOT a lot of popular culture portrays friendships in ways that are nonsensical when applied to actual humans, who are nuanced and complicated and never simply “good” or “villainous.”

Personally, I have found the past couple of years really tough. In that period of time some of the closest people in my life walked right out of it. I jokingly call it the mass exodus. Every couple of months there was another explosion, another relationship breaking down and whilst I do believe that in most relationship breakdowns there is accountability on all sides, I didn’t see it that way at the time and instead I blamed myself. I told myself that the common denominator was me and therefore I must be a horrible human that people can’t stay friends with for too long.

Explores the promise and pitfalls of platonic relationships with generous yet intimate writing.”– The Denver Post One of the biggest strengths of this book was its focus on application. Most chapters had explicit helpful guides on ways to build community. I found myself writing them down and thinking about them more. The book wasn't just platitudes, stories, or even examples of how she did it. Instead there were real good suggestions on ways to make this happen. I particularly appreciated a recurring theme of looking for the people already in front of you. There were two points that I felt this book was weak. The first was understanding introverts. I agree with a few comments she made about some of the particles being the same, even if it is harder. However, I feel that this book would have been greatly helped if she had an introvert write some notes about how to overcome some of the challenges.

Praise

For years I thought nothing was worth doing if I wasn’t Passionate-with-a-capital-P about it. But just enjoyment is enough. And spend the amount of time doing that thing that feel right to you. 2. Learn how to talk to strangers. How to Be Alone is the book I wish I had read in my early twenties. I truly believe it would have saved me a world of pain. The moment I met her I felt like I had known her my entire life. This book will make everyone smart enough to read it feel the same exact way.”— Laura Benanti, Tony Award-winning actress You Will Find Your People" is stronger as a memoir, Moore's journey through the world of friendship often engaging, occasionally irritating, and dysfunctional enough that you can't help but understand why the author has at least somewhat struggled in the area of friendship. I wasn't sure what to expect with this one, but I put it on hold because as I've gotten older it is MUCH harder to make and keep friends. Talking about this from a biblical perspective should be an even better match for me, but I did NOT like this one at all and I'm obviously in the small minority. If you're going to write a book about friendship and you are a huge extrovert you have to understand that not everyone is like you. I feel like she glosses over a lot in this book and makes sweeping generalizations. For her friendship is calling someone while you're in the midst of a crying meltdown (which the author seems to have frequently), showing up at their house unannounced, and inviting yourself over for dinner. None of which sounds like the kind of friends I want (I would be there for a friend calling me upset or in a crisis, but I do NOT want people showing up at my house unannounced or inviting themselves over for dinner). I am an introvert, so a lot of her suggestions made my skin crawl.

While Moore is delving into some of the most difficult moments of her life, she does it with wit and humor in a way that makes this book an enjoyable read.”— BITCH MAGAZINE Full of Moore’s hilarious personal anecdotes, advice on how to identify your attachment style, and real tools to create better communication and boundaries, this book is your personal guide on how to heal from your past friendships, improve your current ones, and finally have the friendships we know we deserve. Lane Moore is an award-winning writer, comedian, actor, and musician. She is the host of I Thought It Was Just Me podcast.

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ThepersonthatImentionedbecomingclosetointhirdyear,J,Iknewthroughchoirpracticeonceaweekbutweneverreallytalked/interacteduntilthirdyear,whenshestarteddatingT'sbestfriend! Above all, be true to yourself, and if you cannot put your heart in it, take yourself out of it.” ~Unknown This book was very prescriptive. That in itself isn’t bad, but for a self-described extrovert Jennie Allen gave little consideration to those who struggle with loneliness or real social anxiety. When loneliness was mentioned, those who struggle with this were advised to basically pull themselves up by their bootstraps and decide to no longer be lonely. For an extrovert like herself, the inability to do this is hard to imagine and can seem like a personal choice. Yet, Jesus used those on the fringes to come alongside him in his work on earth. We MUST take care to seek the lost and lonely, not only those who are willing to do the social legwork of friendship, and I fear that Jennie Allen’s approach, while good-natured, further perpetuates the self-help obsessed, self-seeking culture. I’ve been the awful friend, the horrible one, but I’ve also been the people pleaser, desperate to have a crumb of attention. I hope in recent years, after therapy and a lot of growth and learning, I’m becoming the friend people enjoy having and I enjoy their friendship in return.