Tom’s dad was an avid gardener and tried to teach him a thing or too, which Tom was never too keen on. But when his dad died, Tom turned to gardening to deal with his grief and wished he’d paid more attention to his dad’s lessons. This resonates with me so much, as this was also me and my mum: From being thrown into an unreal reality: the surreal nature of sitting in an undertaker's, choosing a casket, previously unimaginable, to the stages of reflection, recrimination, and acceptance, Too Much, is a story of bereavement, maturity and continuance. When Tom Allen’s first memoir, No Shame, was published in 2020, he was 37, permanently single and living at home with his parents in Bromley. Two years on, circumstances have changed. Allen has a boyfriend and a house of his own, minutes away from the family home, but his dad died suddenly at the end of 2021. Too Much is his attempt to face that loss, come to terms with their imperfect relationship and learn how to be an adult now his much-loved role model is gone. Fans of his arch and cutting comedy might be surprised to find that the book is heartfelt, vulnerable and touchingly sincere. after newsletter promotion The funniest and most memorable chapter recalls Allen’s first trip to a gay sauna

Funny and honest, but never mawkish or maudlin, this is an often emotional and relatable account of the practicalities and rollercoaster of emotions that follow in the wake of a death. It was worth continuing...the audio book is read by Tom, and although 'performed' (it is typically Tom Allen, which is a joy), his reading adds to its authenticity, nuanced with gentle inflexion. Chapter 9 - “Losing a parent is the moment when you truely become an adult. There are other markers of course, turning 18, living away from home, learning how to drive. But none feel as profound as the moment you realise you no longer have the grown up protection you had when you were a child.”Allen decided to write a series of diary entries/vignettes of stories about his adored dad as a way of coming to terms with his terrible loss. With each chapter headed by a quote from his dad, Allen explores his relationship with his father as a way of attempting to come to terms with his grief and its complexities. An extraordinary portrait of a son navigating his way through grief and loss in real time. Funny, candid, and measured' GRAHAM NORTON The idea of “too much” takes on several meanings. “Dad and I were very different and at times I worried I could be too much for him,” Allen begins. “For example, I was brought up to resist any unnecessary dramatics. For my parents, this was an uphill struggle.” Elsewhere, it feels “too much” to ask straight friends to go with him to a gay bar. He worries that “if I started living my life too much, there would be a price to pay”. No favour was ever “too much” for his dad. His loss is “too much to understand”. With moving honesty and wit, Tom writes beautifully about those days, weeks and months following his family's loss, and about how bewildering the practicalities of life can be in the wake of an upheaval - those moments, really, when everything can start to feel a bit too much...

Clearly the book was a cathartic process for the author and having the opportunity to write a book looking at his relationship with his Dad is a lovely thing to do.Chapter 10 - “The things I did say, and more painfully the things I was unable to say, play over and over again on the movie projector in my head, tinged at times with terrible regret. However, don't be put off by thinking that Too Much is a book to be avoided because of its subject matter. Yes, it's a book about the aftermath of a bereavement, but it's so much more about life; Tom's father emerges as a loving, devoted dad who in turn is loved by his devoted sons, Tom and James.