Rinsed Top Dad Mens Fathers Day/Birthday/Christmas Dad Gift T-Shirt

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If you're feeling depressed, try drinking a gallon of water before you go to sleep. It'll give you a reason to get out of bed in the morning. If greeting card companies were to be believed, the best gifts for dads would all concern race cars, golf, beer or farts. More so than some of the more generic best gifts for men, it can be a seriously tough marketplace for finding presents for your dad, whether it's for his birthday or Christmas. Don't ask us why, but the older he gets, the harder it seems, too; just as selecting one of the best gifts for mum (one that feels neither too old nor too young) seems increasingly impossible. Imagine if you walked into a bar and there was a long line of people waiting to take a swing at you. That’s the punch line. A ship carrying red paint and a ship carrying blue paint collide in the middle of the ocean. Both crews were marooned. They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Well, not if it’s poisoned. Then the antidote becomes the most important.

When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, identity theft is a crime. Q: What’s the difference between a badly dressed kid on a bicycle and a well dressed kid on a tricycle? My wife and I were out to dinner and the waitress started flirting with me. "She obviously has COVID," my wife said. "Why?" I asked. "Because she has no taste." We’re renovating the house, and the first floor is going great, but the second floor is another story. When my uncle Frank died, he wanted his remains to be buried in his favorite beer mug. His last wish was to be Frank in Stein.

Dad Jokes About Cars & Vehicles

One friend complained to another, “All my husband and I do anymore is fight. I've been so upset, I’ve lost 20 pounds.” “If it’s that bad, why don’t you just leave him?” asked the second friend. “I’d like to lose another fifteen pounds first.” As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice. The difference between a numerator and a denominator is a short line. Only a fraction of people will understand this

I like to spend my weekends playing chess with elderly men in the park. But it’s becoming more difficult. You try finding exactly32 old guys.

Parents Tattoo Their Legs With Daughter’s Birthmark So She Won’t Feel Different

With a little more time — and skill — these question-and-answer jokes require more audience interaction, but get a bigger payoff. They're good for car rides, waiting rooms, restaurants and any other place where audiences can't just walk away. Your wife and daughter look like twins," my friend said. "Well," I replied, "they were separated at birth." A kid decided to burn his house down. His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm around the mom and said, “That’s arson.” When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don’t find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates. A doctor walks into a room with a dying patient and tells him, “I’m sorry, but you only have ten left.” The patient asks him, “Ten what, Doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?” The doctor calmly looks at him and says, “Nine.”