Daft Dictionary (Microfax Jokes Books)

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Bookkeeper 104. There are eight men sitting on a couch. Three legs break off and six men leave. How many legs are remaining? and, as they argued amongst themselves, they kept throwing looks her way. After some time, one of them separated from the group to approach her. It was Doc. I was playing chess with my friend and he said, ‘Let’s make this interesting’. So we stopped playing chess.” – Matt Kirshen A teacher asks two girls that look exactly alike, the following questions: Are you from the same family? Do you have the same parents? Were you born on the same day? The girls answered yes to all of the questions but in the end, they were not twins. How is this possible? My wife – it’s difficult to say what she does. She sells seashells on the seashore.” – Milton Jones

Survivors are not buried. 70. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men? Neither one because the accountant was his sister. 82. Uncle Ray’s farm had a terrible storm hit and now all but seven sheep were killed. How many sheep are left alive? Iron 100. There are three important rooms in a house; one is filled with money, another with important files, and the last with jewelry. One day these rooms burst into flames! Which room do the policemen put out first? She fell off the bottom rung. 7. What starts with “e” and ends with “e” but only has one letter in it? No, but he’s also dead so that’s impossible. 75. If Mrs. Smith’s one-story house is entirely decorated in pink (pink walls, furniture, carpet, etc.), what color are the stairs?Keep your kids amused by showing them this, our list of 110 of the best simple or silly jokes kids will love. They begin to trek through the sands trying to find help. After a day and night of walking the two men are dying from thirst and so incredibly hungry when they spot 3 camels crest the nearest dune and head towards them. No time at all because the wall was already built. 71. If there is a bowl of five apples and you took away three, how many do you have? menders19 12. I met some chess players in the hotel lobby. They were bragging about how good they were…

Five; the legs of two remaining men and the remaining couch leg. 105. The more you have of it, the less you see. What is it? The three you took. 72. If you had only one match and entered a dark doom containing an oil lamp, kindling, and a newspaper, which would you light first?A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: 'A beer please, and one for the road.' One hour because the first pill is taken right away, the second comes a half-hour later and the last comes after another half-hour. Dinner time comes and they all sit down and open their sandwiches that their wives had prepared for them. The group included a grandmother, her daughter and her daughter’s daughter. 32. What 5-letter word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it?

The catcher and the umpire. 60. Beth’s mother has three daughters. One is called Lara, the other one is Sara. What is the name of the third daughter? Day breaks and night falls 81. The accountant testified “the attorney is my brother,” but, the attorney testified that he did not have a brother. Who is lying? Doctor takes a look at the guy and he seems a bit daft so he asks him "well, why don't you show me how you use 'em?"

If dad isn't making us laugh-out-loud, he'll be making us cringe until we turn inside out. We think that while he's been watching films with the family, he's been making a note of the best innuendos he's found in kids film and TV, passing them off as his own.

If a doctor gives you 3 pills and tells you to take one pill every half-hour, how long would it take before all the pills had been taken? Seven (take away the ‘s’ and it becomes ‘even’). 30. I’m light as a feather, but not even the strongest girl can hold me for more than 5 minutes. What am I? The letter “w.” 15. A young boy was rushed to the hospital emergency room, but the ER doctor saw the boy and refused to operate. “This boy is my son,” the doctor said. But the doctor wasn’t the boy’s father. How could this be? Corn on the cob. Because you throw away the husk, cook the corn. Then you eat the kernels, and throw away the cob. 44. What runs, but never walks. Murmurs, but never talks. Has a bed, but never sleeps. And has a mouth, but never eats? ClunkiestSquid 21. The police just pulled me over, and the officer came up to my window and said “papers?”I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said ‘Analogue?’ I said ‘No, just a watch.'” – Tim Vine I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road. I asked him, “What’s the word on the street?” She sleeps at night. 9. You spot a boat full of people but there isn’t a single person on board. How is that possible? Stop imagining. 27. Everyone in the world needs it, but they usually give it without taking it. What is it? mittans96 9. My friend asked me if I wanted to hear a really good Batman impression, so I said go on then. He shouted, “NOT THE KRYPTONITE!” and I said, “That’s Superman…”