I find it interesting that after I wrote the above book review, I listened to a podcast about pitfalls in reading the Bible. #2 on the list talked about treating Proverbs like promises and even listed the "Train up a child ..." Proverb discussed above. Anyway, it's worth listening to and probably said it better than I did: Jim Burns: So they go away and they are more ready than we are … Not totally ready, because there are some bumps along the way. But you know, I think part of it is a process of us getting ready and us realizing that we have to reinvent the relationship.

If you’d like some specific ways to pray for your adult children’s needs–whether it’s a marriage concern, a crippling addiction, or they’re just in a lonely place where you want God to bless them with friends–you’ll find encouraging stories and hundreds of prayer prompts in my book, Praying the Scriptures for Your Adult Children. Don't make it about you; make it about the health of the relationship." Well, the first part of this I'd unreservedly agree with. Good parenting is never "all about" the parent. But sometimes there are more important goals than the health of the relationship. I can understand turning that phrase on its head and preserving relationship to preserve influence for the more important things over time. But sometimes there are more important things than being well liked. Audrey: For our kids, if we can just focus on the strengths that we see and help them grow those, it’s remarkable. It will help them throughout childhood and adulthood. One reviewer called this book a Dr. Phil-like book. Some complained that there was so much scripture; others that there was hardly any. I would've said that there was a scant amount, but that it was there. I'm guessing maybe 6 passages for the entire 9 chapters. I could be wrong. There could have been more. But it wasn't expository in that it wasn't pulling out the meaning of the passages and then applying them. They were just part of the thought-flow.Today’s young adults “meander” towards independence compared to previous generations and that changes parents’ roles, too. We will take a look at some of the ways to have a vibrant relationship not just with your adult child, but with the people they bring into the picture. Ahhhh....my adult children. This is a line I seem to be trying to figure out. Sometimes I think, "I got this," and other times I'm just not sure what I said that sent them fleeing. The consequences of poor choices can be really, um, messy. They can be hard to clean up. And the fallout might last a long time.

If you have kids, and they’re grown-up, or you think they might grow up, you gotta get this book. This is center cut-wisdom and prime guidance on how to make your life a blessing to people you love most." John OrtbergHealthy family relationships are the pearls of life; this book will help you not only to discover that but also to recover what may have gotten lost along the way." Dr. Wayne Cordeiro Because let’s be honest. Our kids will all blow it, in one way or another. They might get in trouble. They might violate our values. Or they might just do stuff that boggles our minds, like when one of my relatives tried to unclog his toilet with a cherry bomb. He dropped it in the bowl and then stood on the lid. The Dibble Institute is a 501(c)3 nonprofit that promotes relationship training for youth—especially in the context of dating and romantic connections. Our goal is help to young people build a foundation for healthy romantic relationships now, and for lasting, positive family environments in the future.”

All of these things–the tough love, the grace-filled conversations, the surrendering of our kids to God’s care–can create a climate where healing and growth can take place, one in which relationships flourish.Are you struggling to connect with your child now that they've left the nest? Are you feeling the tension and heartache as your relationship dynamic begins to change? In Doing Life with Your Adult Children, bestselling author and parenting expert Jim Burns provides practical advice and hopeful encouragement for navigating this tough yet rewarding transition. Jim Burns: Even if they’ve not launched or they’re not doing so well or if they violated values, the bottom line is they’re asking this question, do you still love me? And I really believe that our kids need to know beyond a shadow of a doubt, Hey, I still love you and we’re going to get through this process together in that. I think that’s the best thing. We as parents can offer our kids at the same time know we do have to set boundaries and hold expectations but in a way very different than when they were children. Audrey: Be comfortable with a little bit of discomfort or sometimes a lot of discomfort, which is when your child’s going through a difficult time trying to do something on their own. You know, the innate desire as a parent is to jump in and rescue. That’s not what they need. When you are intrusive and give unsolicited guidance, your kids don't hear it and they view it as a sign of disrespect." Again, this just feels like a foreign concept to me - feeling disrespected just because someone offers a word of advice. I generally appreciated the attention and the thought for me, whether or not I followed the advice.

If my parents told me as a teen or young adult what worked well for them, I would generally enjoy the glimpse into a different time and place and consider it - appreciate it - but feel no compulsion to act likewise - or to fight it, either, for that matter. Either choice did not diminish my relationship with my parents. They would treat me the same. That’s a motivational thought (and one we might all agree with), but when it’s your child who’s walking through something awful– a toxic relationship, a battle with substance abuse, a pornography addiction, a rejection of faith–it can be heartbreaking. It is heartbreaking. And as parents, we can find ourselves flooded with doubt. Featuring: Transition Parenting, Enabling, Letting Go, Expectations, Grace, Bible Verses, Apologies, Being The Bigger Person, The Advice You Don't Want To Take, Keeping Your Mouth Shut, Failure To Launch, Boomerang Kids, Emerging AdultsDelayed gratification is the answer." Again, that's one that can apply to so many things in life, including dieting. Next, don’t be a one-topic parent. Our adult children already know how we feel about the choices they’ve made; instead of harping on whatever it is that is breaking your heart, talk about other things. Engage your child the way you’d talk with a friend. Talk with them, not at them. Ask open-ended questions about issues where you might not know all the answers, and listen more than you speak. Like most self-help/advice books, this one tells you what you already know. However, for some of us, you need to see it in print to get it through your skull. I am that person.