I have sat down to write this article over a dozen times, have had the words clearly in my head; but when I have found a quiet moment with my laptop, a wall drops down between what I want to do and actually being able to do it. I am an autistic with a PDA profile and sometimes the demand of doing even something that I really want to do is impossible.

It gives you time to think of a way to reject the demand in a less abrupt manner, and it will remove the pressure of having to do it in person. However, we respect that many people identify with this profile and have formed a rich community and body of resources to help others overcome demand avoidance. We will continue to update the community and our readers on our position and as new research and insights become available. I am a passionate autistic advocate and my aim is to help to spread awareness, understanding and acceptance of autistics. Having a card shown to me is often like splashing water on my face. It alerts me to look at what I’m doing and assess it with clarity rather than slapdash over excitement. Bless your heart for writing on this, it made me laugh. And if all fails — may I make a suggestion, it could be your 16th point. I wont be PDA about how right I* am on this point…but 16 should be “If all fails, start laughing uncontrollably and with a robust for the joy of it.”I recommend this book, without any hesitation for anyone who has or suspects a loved one to have PDA. It will make both your life and your loved ones life infinitely more rewarding and happy. Having PDA doesn’t mean that you avoid every single demand/potential demand that you come across. It’s fluid. When you are less anxious and are in control, the need to resist the demand – to gain control – is far less than the times when you feel out of your comfort zone and your need for control is sky high. With this comes a much better chance to be able to do the things you want to do. Also, good article. I find writing lists extremely helpful – and keeping a small notebook on me. And refuse to buy outside of it or deviate from my plan otherwise the impulse control can be so problematic (I can just leave it for next time if not pre-decided – it eliminates stress of decision making on the spot in public) . What seems like a good idea when even mildly sensory overwhelmed is often not.

Please stop suggesting meditation to us. I don’t know why anyone still thinks that’s a viable option for somone with ADHD. We cannot meditate and it won’t help PDA to make us feel inadequate all over again. Being a mum to a teenage PDA son is life-changing, and at times, utterly heart-wrenching experience. Seeing Harry through his own candid, entertaining and diplomatic lens, fills me with hope, quiet optimism, and (most importantly) confidence for my own son's future. Thank you Harry for your insight. -- Natasha, PDA mum Just like the overriding autism diagnosis, Pathological Demand Avoidance is a lifelong condition. It won't simply go away or be grown out of, but can be helped by others around using the correct strategies. It has been a huge comfort to us to hear from adults with PDA and to know that the future can be rosy. A really salient example is a woman who was told by her boss (along with an entire workforce, so not just personally to her) to try and get bathroom trips in at a certain time (to reduce lines during breaks that prevented everyone from being able to go). The advice actually was just giving people permission to know they didn’t have to wait for break times to go to the restroom, but she wouldn’t do it. She kept developing UTIs and even had some accidents at work because she just couldn’t stand feeling like she had to use the restroom on a schedule. This was one of many examples that eventually led to losing a position at work.

Around every corner is a demand waiting to thrust itself upon us. So how do we cope with all of these demands that can’t help themselves hammering down on us like we’re a nail that just won’t lay flat? I feel it’s almost a vicious circle; we want to do an activity, can’t, get frustrated, which causes anxiety, then that leads to a spike in needing control and inability to do activities. I also believe that I have possibly struggled my whole life with PDA, without knowing what PDA was… (and passed it onto my children) It is something that you can do for two minutes or two hours. But it is a great way to calm the mind and to reduce your anxiety. There are lots of free apps that have guided meditations on them with lots of personalities and styles to choose from to fit your style of unwinding and focusing. Sorry for the very long post, but every post I read is giving me hope after a very difficult and traumatising three years. And it calms my fears about my son just having violent tendencies. As well as confirms my feeling that he isn't a “naughty child” but rather he struggles.

The kindest and best thing for both them and you is to let them stay up until they are ready to go to bed. Let them play in their bedrooms or watch TV. Believe me, I know the pressure of trying to raise your child how you are told you are supposed to do it– with strict bath and bedtime routines, etc. People will accuse you of being too lenient and spoiling your child. I don’t know about you but, from a young age, the overwhelming and ever present demand of conforming and following precise life points has been the most intense and inescapable demands of my life. I also realized that I haven’t been watching your videos enough lately since I was completely surprised; I had no idea that you had been working on this great book….. Been on an extended rabbit trail for a while now, so yeah, lol….. There is debate about the existence of pathological demand avoidance (PDA) and whether or not it is an autistic profile. We’ve promised to update the community as we continue to look into the issue from all sides. I’ve been searching for something that would help me with the things that I’ve been wanting to accomplish, but my PDA has made them seemingly impossible and I found it here in your candid words.We believe that PDA exists as a neurodivergent phenomenon, but not that it is exclusive to autistic people. We feel more research is needed to determine if PDA is a distinct condition or an interaction of co-occurring conditions. Hilarious…love your stuff. Its taken me sixty-five years to come to this conclusion about my self. I always used the adage ” Eh.. (I’m Canadian)…I’m a free spirit”. My wife says “Rebel Without a Clue” as a twist of that old 1955 movie with James Dean. As a clinician who has worked with complex young people and adults with Autism throughout my working life, I was delighted to be asked to review this book. I read it in one sitting. It is the most articulate, honest, entertaining (and sometimes funny) book about PDA I have read. I would highly recommend it to anyone who wants to gain an insight into how this profile impacts upon individuals, their families and those who work with or are involved in their education. -- Dr Judy Eaton, Consultant Clinical Psychologist It is a liberating experience reading someone else’s words and finding them to resonate in your bones like they could be talking specifically about you. Regarding PDA children and teenagers: I know the bedtime battles that you have with them as they see an enforced bedtime as a HUGE demand.