The reason why i gave 4 stars to this book is because it got me thinking about people pleasing, caring too much about what people think about me and not being able to say NO when i want to. It definitely helped me in that way and also to analyze myself. I am on my way to change it and become more authentic and bold. I can honestly say without a doubt, that I am now the MOST assertive person I know, and I mean that with all the honesty in my heart. I feel powerful, in control, less anxious, happier, and I even stutter less lol. You’ll start to see that there is no threat in the disapproval of others, which allows you to relax in a deep and powerful way. You’ll also see that being in healthy relationships with others is not at all like walking on a tightrope. It’s actually more like a five-lane freeway. You can veer left, right, and all over the place, and still stay connected. This was like WOW! I am personally a very empathic person and would usually care that other people are feeling great in my presence. However this resonated with me because people’s choices to feel good or bad is like I said A CHOICE, that I have nothing to do with. People will always have something to say about you. Even if you are the nicest person on earth (nice people already know this!)

i didn't realize until getting about halfway through this book that so much of my internal rulebook is full of lies. lies told to me by myself, by society, by my parents. i've been suffocated by my past selves and my past hurts and realizing all of this felt like waking up from a long sleep. through the authors words i started to piece together things about my life that i never would have realized otherwise. i have spent a large portion of my life worrying that i'm too selfish, but after reading this book i am now more fully aware that i'm not selfish enough. i just kept having realization after realization and even though i'm still trying to process everything, i feel so incredibly inspired and invigorated. I have also given more than I take and have said “yes” to things I really wanted to say “no” to just to appease another person and be helpful. Create real, deep, and authentic connections with friends, colleagues, family, and anyone you'd like! I saw that clients who were trying the hardest to be nice people also felt the most anxious, guilty, and frustrated.”I'm going to fight my urge to be nice to critique this book. I will say the nice things first--I thought the exercises toward the beginning of the book were really useful and helpful. Especially the one about writing down all the rules that you've made for yourself that you feel bad about breaking and the one about trying to figure out exactly what you like and want. Ok. The not nice...

All in all we are definitely being manipulated on daily basis under the magical spell of BE NICE and NOT NICE book is a legitimate way to break the spell

As a self-help book, this book will clearly be of more use to some than others. For me, it was absolutely life-changing. I've always accepted myself as a people-pleaser. However, until this book, I simply had no clue about the psychological and emotional damage that a lifetime of cultural, social, and religious indoctrination will do...if I allow it. I've read it twice and will read it again. You cannot stop others from feeling all discomfort, or all pain. It is an impossible task, a fool’s errand." I have the right not to have to anticipate others’ needs and wishes. If they have them, they can express them. I would have given this 3 stars and a more nuanced review but then I got to the part where he approaches a woman on her cell phone to ask her what she’s talking about. He did this as a dare/exercise in experiencing awkwardness. Honey, no. There are so many layers of why a man shouldn’t do this and it’s hard to imagine he’s not aware of them. Instead, his actions stated that his self-improvement was more important than her sense of safety. Context exists. You can choose to ignore it but that doesn’t make you bold and authentic; it makes you a bit of a jerk. A friend recommended this book to me and it was definitely a good one. For most of my life, I had been "conditioned" to be the "nice guy," always thinking it was better to just avoid conflicts whenever possible. After reading this book, my view of both myself and the world really changed. Rather than shy away from conflicts, we should embrace them. Rather than "cover up" how we're feeling, we should just let it out. We care way too much about what other people think of us. Honestly, it's more honest to be direct with your feelings; trying to cover up how you feel is manipulative.

It’s also very actionable. I listened to the audio book (read by author) and he was so persistent about pausing the audio and writing some things down. Which I personally liked because I often say later and later never comes. Writing down stuff helps with witnessing some serious transformations. Thanks Aziz GazipuraThe only way to become the assertive person that you want to be is by DOING it. Follow the steps. They are SO UNCOMFORTABLE AT FIRST. But it really does get easier with time. I never thought I could be capable of being so assertive, confident, and in control. I used to come across obviously assertive people and be jealous, even resentful toward them because I wished I could be like them. I wished I could have their confidence. At this point in my life especially, this was not the message I needed but reading through this book I identified with a lot of experiences I've had OF OTHER PEOPLE and I would highly recommend this book to anyone considering it because if considering it, it would likely speak to you.