Siblings Without Rivalry: How to Help Your Children Live Together So You Can Live Too (How to Help Your Child)

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When one sibling hurts another, tend to the victim instead of giving attention to the aggressor. *** this worked on the first try. My oldest pushed her baby sister down and made her cry. I immediately went to her sister and said "oh are you ok baby, I know your sister shouldn't be pushing you down like that." I could feel my oldest watching this unfold. And within seconds she said "sorry Lena" and gave her a hug. That was it. I suspect that my oldest is craving attention, negative or positive and she normally would get a reaction out of me if she did something bad. Disagreeing on whose game to play first? - suggest them to play his game first, but her game little longer. Express confidence in the children’s ability to find their own solution. “I have confidence that you two can work out a solution that’s fair to each of you . . . and fair to the puppy.” State each child’s case. “Let me get this straight. Jimmy, you need the crayons to finish your homework. And Amy, you want to finish coloring.” That is where it becomes essential to understand the source of the child's "meanness," which is characterized by frequent hostility toward siblings and general troublemaking. Only through understanding it will parents be able to empathize with their children and choose the right approach to reduce or even eliminate conflict between children. So where does a child's "meanness" originate?

Most of the time, parents force one kid to become as good as the other kid. This induces the feeling of hatred in that child for his or her sibling and the fumes of this hatred are widespread. It continues to spoil their relations for lifetime. We can't force a fixed, loving relationship, but we can develop a cordial relationship with skill and kindness. We can help our children handle their feelings and become understanding, discerning, and caring individuals. Effective parenting is one of the key strategies to secure the wellbeing and good future of your kids.Don't view children in roles (the organized one, the musical one, the smart one, the athletic one). View each child with a growth mindset.

avoid taking sides — unless you witnessed one child hurting another without provocation, everyone involved in the fight takes some share of the blame Since sibling relationships have such a deep and long-term impact on our children's future, how do we as parents prevent our kids from arguing? Let's examine this problem in our second part.In Part Two we mentioned ways to prevent children from quarreling. We also need to stop ourselves from making unfavorable comparisons among children and avoid giving them specific roles. At the same time, we need to give children attention and love according to their individual needs. Actually, one of the best ways is to make the siblings responsible for each other. Let them stand up for each other. Right from birth, make them understand that their sibling is their responsibility and they need to care for each other. Siblings Without Rivalry: How to Help Your Children Live Together So You Can Live Too” by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. It shares practical tips for reducing the amount of conflict in your home and appreciating each child’s unique talents and personalities. First, teach kids how to handle conflict in a positive manner. Children who are taught how to manage disagreements in a constructive manner—say, by listening to their sibling’s point of view or not engaging in name-calling—will be in a much better frame of mind to settle disputes and move past fighting. Another bonus: Children who grow up learning how to prevent and work out conflicts with their siblings will be better at negotiating and working out compromises in future relationships, both at work and at home. Learning how to handle disputes with their brothers and sisters will help children grow into adults who are skilled at resolving differences and are better at managing relationships with others. Children don't need to be treated equally. They need to be treated uniquely. Instead of giving equal amounts, give according to individual need. Instead of showing equal love, show the child he or she is loved uniquely. Instead of giving equal time, give according to need. (p81)