Those feelings are understandable, particularly given some of the messages you may have received about this.

While we tend to think of spanking as an “outdated” practice, it’s still an incredibly common form of discipline used among parents and even in schools — despite the research linking the practice to negative results. There are only 62 countries — not including the United States — with a ban on corporal punishment, Cuartas points out. Additionally, nearly one-third of parents in the United States report spanking their children every week, often to detrimental effects and implications. Feeling embarrassed to the point where you just don't feel like you can talk to your boyfriend about this at all probably means spanking isn't quite something you're ready to explore in real life. That would be okay, too. It'll always be there for you later when you're feeling more comfortable talking about it. But if even talking about something feels daunting, that's usually a very solid clue we're probably not ready to do that something. I had once read an article in my youth (okay yes I'm still young at 25, but bare with me!) that explained that jeans will reduce the energy transfer of a spank by up to 70%, while underwear can reduce the transfer by up to 30-40%. You might be wondering why I waited a while to discuss hard and soft limits, but I felt it was appropriate to discuss them up against baring and clothing, since this is really where hard and soft limits are going to apply much more closely. If you take your sub's clothing off completely, I recommend making them fold it for an added bit of decorum!If you decide that you do want to try spanking, then it's time for a discussion with your boyfriend. I know you're worried about embarrassing yourself, but if you want to explore your desires, you are going to have to talk to him. If it helps, know that sharing what our sexual desires are with a partner, even if they don't share them or want to try them, is one of the ways we develop and sustain intimacy in sexual relationships. Edit: If it doesn’t break your hard limit, you can also wedgie the underwear or bathing suit to essentially spank bare in a similar fashion to a thong. Ask if they have ever thought about spanking,’ England says. ‘Have they spanked or been spanked? Just bringing up the topic may be a big turn on to your partner.’ Wooden spoons, rulers, flip flops, ping-pong paddles etc. really don't have a whole lot of penetrating power. Spoons might to some extent, but because you cannot visualize where you're spanking, I find that going for an implement with a larger surface areas is safer, since you have to worry less about saturation of strikes to one area of the bottom. The most underutilized option for spankings, imo, is leggings. They are just about as thin as underwear, and allow for a large transfer of energy, but also give you the perfect view of your target. Additionally, wearing a thong under leggings is insanely helpful because it doesn't add extra protection. This is a great way to protect your submissive's dignity but also give an even, hard, un-obstructed spanking with hand or implement.

I thought, ‘Oh my God, this is an actual thing! I’m not the only one who thinks this is interesting!’” Recalls now 40-something Katherine. She’s thought about spanking since she was young, but it wasn’t until she became aroused reading that story that she’d desired for a man to spank her in bed. We all have limits in life, relationships, how much chocolate we can eat, and how many spankings we can take. We're going to break limits into hard, and soft, and explain what they are. As far as knowing whether you'd like spanking in the real world, that's really something only you can answer and discover.Now, if there is a soft limit of keeping the pants up, then just discuss together when it would be best for the pants to come down! We'll talk about the layer cake and baring in a little bit. The posterior is full of its own nerves, and the bum is also located near the body’s sensory hot spots — a man’s scrotum and a woman’s vulva. A kinky maneuver like spanking is a great way to send ripples through the skin and stimulate that entire area, Fulbright says.

It is IMPERATIVE you discuss these limits within your dynamic, otherwise you can end up like one of my worst ddlg relationships ever where shit just happens without the other partner ever really consenting to it.

Toying with power dynamics can be as alluring as it is discomforting. When it comes to spanking and gender-roles, baggage about power can enter the bedroom on an express train. Although love taps are certainly not exclusively man-on-woman behavior, anecdotally, guys spanking gals is one of the more common manifestations. Some dudes relish lady-swatting, which makes them feel powerful or manly. Roche, for instance, says he loves the “power aspect.” But other dudes are justifiably freaked out by such a request. Men are, after all, taught never to hit women. Soft limits: These are limits that are okay to push after discussion, and carful understanding. For instance, if the soft limit is using a wooden paddle, maybe we discuss purchasing one, and start by either using it over jeans, or by draping a towel overtop the submissive's bottom. Alternatively, if the submissive is okay with pressing these boundaries, perhaphs the dominant will use a paddle without having specifically asked to during a session because things are ramping up appropriately. A good way to ensure consent in this scenario would be to ask if the stop light is still "green" after announcing the intention to use the paddle.