Every Family Has A Story: How we inherit love and loss

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It’s very important for seniors to re-tell their stories. It is important for families to be interested in and heed the stories. Much is lost if the younger generation doesn’t take the time to hear life stories.” (Dr. Wendy Scheinberg-Elliott) But that is perhaps me being overly critical (and part of the therapy I need is surely to forgive more). So whilst she may not be the ideal therapist for me, she certainly reinforced and made me feel some of my own issues were valid. I leave you with a couple of sentences which I take away

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Er wordt (terecht) ook wat reclame gemaakt voor de psychotherapie, voor pillen wordt er anders ook reclame gemaakt , wat bij sommige zal het beter werken dan voor anderen, ... zolang er geen al te dure woorden/ oren gebruikt worden kunnen waarschijnlijk velen er wat levenskwaliteit uithalen .

Every Love Story Is Beautiful But Ours is My Favorite Sign, Master Bedroom Sign, Living Room Decor, Love Quote, Farmhouse Decor, Canvas Art She also makes some problematic assumptions - for instance that children leave home and transition to adulthood when mothers are going through similar stages of life (i.e. menopause). She speaks of a grandparent as follows: 'she worked as a carer, lived on a council estate BUT had huge glamour, the way she dressed.' The but reflects a classed attitude that seems to imply living on a council estate or being a carer precludes glamour. She speaks elsewhere of marrying very young 'which meant she leant too much on her parents', again suggesting that leaning on parents is only something young mothers may do (or do more often). If I recall correctly, this book was mentioned in Esther Perel's newsletter, and its title immediately caught my attention. This year, I've been delving into novels that explore the intricacies of family dynamics, so I felt it was the perfect time to explore a nonfiction book on the subject. Talking to your children soberly about values like tenacity, courage or forgiveness can be less effective than telling a story about a person they know who lived through a real situation. In fact, hearing and telling family stories can strengthen our own character.” (Jamie Yuenger) If you are reading this you have great eyesight. But also, thanks for being a person with me. The world is strange and hard for soft-hearted humans, but I think you’re a delight.Julia: Well, I just think, you know, the definition of being loved is being known, known as you are on the inside. And how you feel yourself to be with all of you frailties and fault lines and strengths and great capacities and brilliance. I think we can ignore good things as well, but they need to be allowed and that when someone fully sees you with all of that and you known, that is what love is and that they don’t turn away and they don’t try to squish you down. You don’t big you up. Or when you’re looked in the eye and known and loved for that is an amazing thing. And I you know, one person is really enough. But ideally, we do want a bit of a village. You know, we want nine. Original Design (shown in pic size is 22x26 Vertical Sign) Every Family has a story" / Farmhouse/ Modern / Home Decor / sign /Entry way

Sharing your family’s stories will give your descendants a glimpse into what your life and your family are like. You will also be grateful in the future when you have stories recorded to tell to your own children. You may not think your memories will fade, but you never know what you’ll forget if you don’t record it somewhere. And as you work on recording your family stories, you may even discover things you never knew before.” (Mindy Raye Friedman)From the start, Samuel emphasises that therapy need not be epic: “For someone using time as a barrier to seeking therapy I would suggest (with a smile) it takes less time than watching a TV series.” She reminds the reader, too, of the power of contrition. How long, after all, does it take to say sorry? Archie takes his adult children out separately to apologise for his shortcomings as a father, and each reports on the transformative effect on their relationship with him. Julia: There’s the Winnicott term, which is, you know, is a parent is the good enough parent, which I think covers a lot of bases. And certainly with me as being a failing parent. But I think when you’ve had a really abusive, difficult childhood, in some ways the hate does you more harm and the blame because it gets inside you and it contaminates every other feeling that you have. So that if you can find a way of giving yourself a story. You know, the the emotions that we have, if you can allow yourself to feel the legitimate feelings and allow ourselves to be angry and upset and betrayed and all of those things, and also kind of find a way of saying, you know, they were given who they were, the history they had and what they knew. They did the best they could. And that best was devastating for me. Kind of does cover it because if you just keep blaming them and keep hating them, it keeps you trapped as well, keeps you imprisoned. I don’t know if the word is forgiveness, but I think it’s living with and allowing for its like the accommodation of both. There were some good bits, probably all of the bad bits and that you have to allow for it.

With her usual warmth and wisdom, bestselling psychotherapist Julia Samuel explores the family: what we inherit and how we can change Kate: That’s so nice. But the thing, what you wrote about the relationships that heal us made complete sense to me of how the last few years have gone. Only when I practiced being honest that I could get over the loneliness. And then the and solving loneliness to me has been the biggest. I mean, there being no solution to almost anything but but at least like a beautiful salve to the worst parts of being a person. You wrote this absolutely gorgeous moving thing about like it only takes one person. Can you tell me more about that? Unlike stories from books, family stories are always free and completely portable. You don’t even need to have the lights on to share with your child a story about your day, about their day, about your childhood or their grandma’s.” (Elaine Reese) An essential, clever and kind book that reminds us that we can never hope to understand ourselves without deeply understanding our families. A testament to the ongoing relevance of psychotherapy and to Julia Samuel’s preeminent skill as an author and therapist.” —Alain de Boton Family stories casually chatted about at the dinner table, or regaled again and again at family gatherings can parallel great epics or notable short stories. The memorable stories of our lives and of others in our family take on special importance because they are true, even if everyone tells different versions of the same event. These tales are family heirlooms held in the heart not the hand. They are a gift to each generation that preserves them by remembering them and passing them on.” (Heather Forest)Julia: So one of the stories was this amazing family where the father had died by suicide. He shot himself. It was called the Rossi family. And I met the mom and their three siblings and her three daughters who are siblings. And he had he was an Italian policeman and he had shot himself 40 years before. And the thing about trauma is that the residue of trauma is alive and present in your brain today as it was 40 years before. So his death had never been processed because as one of the things, one of the things that the mother, who is incredibly brave to do this therapy with her daughters, said, I never did ask, how was it for you? She never did ask for children because it was unbearable to know the answer. It’s to you can’t quite look at your children suffering when you can’t fix it. But of course it meant that she also then had to shut down because she had to go and earn money and she was traumatized and furious. They were now, 40 years later, challenging her and challenging themselves to deal with the trauma because it had developed lots of difficult behaviors. They had addiction problems and all sorts of behavioral problems in the men they sort of chose, not in other ways. But what happened was, as they were beginning to tell their story, they didn’t just have one narrative each. They had a collective narrative together. The mother’s story was included all three sisters, different stories, until they had a coherent narrative that made sense for themselves that so much had been hidden. And it was, I missed this or I did that wrong, or I felt guilty. And then when they had it all together, it allowed them to have their full kind of acceptance of it. And also, yeah, it allowed them to rebuild a relationship with their dad because a bit like your parents that had this narrative that dad killed himself for us and poor dad and wasn’t that great. And the sister said, everyone keeps saying how great dad was, but he shot himself and he was an alcoholic. So I mean, really? Until that moment, she had not known that the counsel her dad had given her during her own postpartum depression was the direct result of what he had learned in the psych unit during his hospitalization. "It was," she says, "a full circle moment." To My Mother: May Every Tear That Has Fallen From Your Tired Eyes For Me Be Rewarded Quote | Family Print | Gift For Mother | Wall Art Print The best loved stories are not from books or films, but those from our own families.” (Jane McGarvey)