For over 35 years, parents have turned to How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk for its respectful and effective solutions to the unending challenges of raising children. Now, in response to growing demand, Adele's daughter, Joanna Faber, along with Julie King, tailor How to Talk's powerful communication skills to children ages two to seven. Painting visual pictures in the minds of your audience will get them far more into your mindset and ideas then otherwise. Visual hooks are a powerful persuasion technique. Pretending to fly in public might be embarrassing but it beats yelling at your kid!

Criticism in the midst of a struggle hurts. To say that you are doing fine when the child is struggling. Motivation comes from progress, that “ B is well written.” Appreciate the positive, and then say what needs to be done instead of criticism. Instead of focusing on the mistakes, focus on what the child has already achieved. Children need us to validate their feelings so they can become grown-ups who know who they are and what they feel. We are also laying the groundwork for a person who can respect and not dismiss the needs and feelings of other people.” Instead of just saying “that’s really good” describe what you’re seeing because that is a form of affective praise since it gets the end-user to understand the situation. Kids who are punished through corporal punishment are more likely to misbehave in the future, according to some studies. Of course, in longitudinal studies of those children, it’s hard to know how much personality/self discipline play into these decisions.

Defiance

This book is broken up into a number of different sections. How the Book is Divided First Section: Basic Tools to Help Parents Cope

Try not responding with words at all. Just let them talk their emotions out, and respond with little sounds: "Grr!" "Wow!" - I'm almost certain my own boss used this on me last year, it was super weird but it kindof worked. For example, nap time and bedtime has become a whole lot for fun as I now pretend to get an officers attention to sneak us onto a boat to let Madi sleep in a cabin while at sea. We then read a book about animals in the ocean and my toddler is in charge of keeping the baby animals safe while she naps. It is quite fun for the both of us! 💞 Would recommend this book for frustrated parents, and definitely for those who do not believe in Biblical parenting as I think being kind is a whole lot better than yelling at children. (As I have unfortunately seen often.) For parents that are raising their children Biblically, with teaching, correction, encouragement, and discipline, and teaching them God’s ways this book can still be helpful if viewed in the lens of purely motivational for specific instances. Tell kids what they can do instead of what they can’t. Example: Instead of saying “Don’t throw sand,” say “Sand is for pouring and digging” (195). I think this is good advice, but I think it’s important to include the information about what the kid should not do: “Sand is for pouring and digging, not for throwing.” If you don’t include the “not for throwing,” then the kid might think it’s still okay to do it.Using “even though you know...” is not any better. A kid who hears this will just reply, “Yeah, that’s how I feel. So give me what I want.” The younger the child, the shorter and simpler your directives should be. Consider your child’s level of understanding. For example, a common error parents make is asking a three-year-old, “Why did you do that?” Most adults can’t always answer that question about their behavior. Try instead, “Let’s talk about what you did.” 13. When You Talk to Kids, Speak Socially Correct Giving your co-worker the chance to present their views uninterrupted is important. Let them field their ideas in public or in private conversations. That will give rise to more cooperation. Same deal with kids. We don’t want to accept negative feelings because they’re so . . . well . . . negative. We don’t want to give them any power. We want to correct them, diminish them, or preferably make them disappear altogether. Our intuition tells us to push those feelings away as fast and hard as possible. But this is one instance in which our intuition is leading us astray.” Lean into the negative feeling, and work with it, not against it.

The good thing about being a parent is that if you blow it the first time, you almost always get another chance.” Imagine complaining to a friend about something at work and they respond by a) blaming you; b) questioning your reaction; c) offering unsolicited advice; d) offering fake pity; e) psychoanalyzing you — you’d probably be annoyed. So, yeah. Don’t do that to your kid. Complex questions are an opportunity to explore something, so don’t brush them off with oversimplified answers. Ask them why they asked and what they think.

Punishments and rewards don’t always work as well as we think.

Probably the most widely used parenting technique. At work, if you give the colleague the power to choose a path for themselves they will be more likely to follow you. Avoid false choices like “I can spank you with my rights hand or my left hand.” There are loads of other tips in this terrific book, which btw represents the strategy the wife and I have decided to go with here, so if our kid grows up to be a total asshole it's these peoples' fault. For instance: Make a list to help kids stay on task and not get distracted (190). Draw pictures on the list for those who can’t read. Offer a simple alternative if kids don’t want the “grown-up” food – peanut butter sandwich, bread and cheese, hard-boiled. Let’s face it if you tried to read every parenting book out there — your kids would be in their late teens, if not early adulthood, by the time you put even a small dent in the great heap of expert parenting advice available. The impossible task seems even more unrealistic for parents of little kids since most of your literary opportunities are wrapped up in reading out loud to them. So when it comes to parenting advice like learning how best to talk so kids will listen, quality is always more helpful than quantity.

Even a two-year-old can learn “please.” Expect your child to be polite. Children shouldn’t feel manners are optional. Speak to your children the way you want them to speak to you. 14. Speak Psychologically Correct Faber and King have done the impossible! This guide to how to talk so little kids will listen is BRILLIANT. Every parent needs to read this book because it teaches skills that are solidly based on research. The book is magnificent."—John Gottman, author of Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child Instead of “no running,” try: “Inside we walk, outside you may run.” 8. Begin your Directives with “I want.”One thing I realized from reading this book is how many commands we issue to our son on a daily basis. As an experiment, I tried not using a single command for a day or two. I slipped up here and there, but overall I found that it really encouraged new, more respectful ways for me to communicate with my son. And what I learned is this: Commands don't work!