cats are also routinely possessed by demons, but it's hard to pinpoint the presence of a supernatural invader: When talking to your pet, use gestures as well as words. If you are trying to show him that there’s nothing to worry about, then make sure that you keep your body language relaxed and open. Make sure not to tense up any part of yourself—all of these things will send the wrong message! No, of course your cat should have access to all the weaponry our Founding Fathers risked their lives to guarantee us, whether it be a simple Beretta 9mm or a fully automatic AK-47. However, if your cat is going to use a firearm for hunting, it is important to make sure that they are properly licensed, that they do not fire the gun within five hundred feet of a residential neighborhood, and that they understand the importance of wearing a highly visible orange hunting vest. Furthermore, since cats are color blind, it is advisable that you mark the vest in some way so your cat will be able to tell it apart from any other non-orange vests they own of a similar cut. And: “Unfortunately, I’ve worked nights all my life, and one thing that’s consistent across all graveyard shifts is there’s going to be one dude who’s REALLY into conspiracy theories. I’ve had a lot of Art Bell, Alex Jones, and Breitbart inflicted on me over the years, and as a result I’ve become well versed in crazy, patriotic, paranoid, racist, anti-Semitic, libertarian bullshit.” captioned: Above is a depiction of the inevitable nightmare that awaits our great nation should we fail to teach our cats about evolution and creationism.

[PDF] [EPUB] The American Association of Patriots Presents

A friend of mine got me this book for Christmas. I love cats and satire. It was the perfect gift. This short novel is filled with eight essential topics to speak with your cat about ranging from puberty to satanism. I received a copy of How to Talk toYour Cat About Gun Safety from the publisher and netgalley.com in exchange for an honest review.Your cat, whom you have already talked to about how a firearm is a tool and not a toy, and who has received extensive training on the proper handling of the weapon, discovers your firearm and accords it the respect it is due? How to Talk to Your Cat About Gun Safety' by Zachary Auburn is a parody title. It skewers certain right wing ways of thinking about a variety of subjects. People who like parodies and poking fun at conservative culture. People who like photos of cute cats. So if you don’t want your cat to turn into some kind of pinko liberal, you need to read this book, and GO TALK TO YOUR CAT! For over four decades, the American Association of Patriots have stood at the vanguard of our country's defense by helping to prepare our nation's cat owners for the difficult conversations they dread having with their pets. Written in a simple Q&A format, How to Talk to Your Cat About Gun Safety answers crucial questions such as, "What is the right age to talk to my cat about the proper use of firearms?" and "What are the benefits of my cat living a lifestyle of abstinence?" and especially "Why does my cat need to use the internet? Can't he just play with yarn like cats used to do?"

How to Talk to Your Cats about Gun Safety? - Nahf How to Talk to Your Cats about Gun Safety? - Nahf

Always remember what kind of gesture goes where: for example, keep your hands away from the gun handle when handling it (as well as keeping them at all times). Start with them If you choose to keep guns in your home, there are many ways to ensure that they’re kept safe from curious cats. No, you should never train your cat to use a gun. Firearms are dangerous and require responsible human handling. Is it okay to play toy guns with my cat?

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Related NLP Terms: misconceptions, myths, cat gun safety, natural instinct, avoid firearms, educate, communicate, facts, furry friend

How to Talk to Your Cat About Gun Safety: and Abstinence

It also talks about the dangers of adopting from that hotbed of leftist propaganda, the Humane Society; a cat from there will likely try to corrupt your other cats with evolutionist lies. and there's good, practical advice to be extracted: Instead of presenting your cat with a toy mouse to play with, have your cat bat around the iodine tablets he'll use to purify tainted water. Rather than having your kitten chase around a laser pointer, teach her how to hotwire an abandoned car. Related NLP Terms: pet owner, educate, feline companion, firearms, accidental shootings, gun safety Your cat needs not only to accept that God created the Earth and the United States of America, they also need to understand the insidious nature of the lies Darwin spawned in an attempt to destroy our country. You may think that there’s no danger in this, that cats are natural hunters. But until your cat has practiced in the controlled setting of a reputable and licensed firing range, you cannot assume that they have the skills necessary to operate the gun safely. While cats do possess many innate skills when it comes to hunting, the operation of a firearm is not among them. Over 40 percent of firearm accidents involving cats are caused by improperly trained felines attempting to shoot birds out of trees: accidents that lead to the wounding or death of tens of thousands of humans and cats every single year. This is the most common danger you expose your household to when you fail to talk to your cat about gun safety, but it’s certainly not the only one. Don’t procatstinate! Talk to your cat today!Give your cat time to process this information. Cats take a while to process new information, so give them some time before asking them any questions about what you said. Be aware of your body language and tone of voice when talking to your cat about gun safety. Cats are sensitive to our emotions, so they may not understand why you’re so concerned if you come across as angry or sarcastic when explaining gun safety rules. Your cat, never having seen or handled a gun before, bats it around as if it’s just another toy or stuffed mouse, possibly discharging it in the process?

How to Talk to Your Cat About Gun Safety: And Abstinenc… How to Talk to Your Cat About Gun Safety: And Abstinenc…

as far as masturbation goes, Some cats excel and redirect their sexual energies toward Jesus and being good, hardworking citizens, whereas others fail and want nothing more in life than to bat at their genitals as if they were a ball of yarn. and finally...satanism. basically, satan is everywhere, in every form of entertainment, lurking around every corner. For example: “What exactly are you trying to tell me?” is an acceptable response in many situations where there might be confusion between the two of you. In fact, it’s better than simply staring at each other blankly after not recognizing the initial statement made by either party (which would probably result in frustration). As you wrap up the conversation, remember that your cat looks up to you. You’re the one they’ll turn to when they don’t know what to do. Pets are counting on us to keep them safe, and it’s our job to tell them exactly how we plan to do that. We owe it to our pets and we owe it to ourselves. We owe it to each other. And we owe it to all their friends out there who are depending on us for help and guidance in their own lives.

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Just as legalizing homosexuality is a slippery slope that will inevitably lead to people wanting to marry children and horses, legalizing marijuana can have only similarly disastrous repercussions. There are almost one hundred million cats living in American households, and untold millions more loosely organized into feral militias. Do you not think that the enemies of our nation quake in fear at the thought of an extra hundred million soldiers defending our country—soldiers who possess superhuman reflexes, balance, and unrivaled night vision? The importance of cats to national defense is something that has been understood by many of our greatest presidents, from Abraham Lincoln to George W. Bush, and is something that, as vigilant Americans, we must never furget.