The Gifts Of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are

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What exactly does Brown do in this book? She draws upon her history as a shame researcher to pinpoint trouble-spots in our individual and cultural psyche that can lead us to unhealthy mental pathways. One of the things I appreciated, particularly after reading a book like Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking, is that she takes care to define the terms she's working with. This is definitely the researcher at work: "I think it’s critically important to define the gauzy words that are tossed around every day but rarely explained. And I think good definitions should be accessible and actionable." That statement warmed my researcher heart--at least, if it could be warmed. I am having a hard time writing this review, probably for two reasons. First of all, there is so much that I liked in this book that I know I will be reading it again. If the copy I read had been mine, I might have underlined most of the book. the main message here is: Let go of your insecurities,expectations, shame, guilt, discomfort. Happy people are happy because they make themselves happy, they are the ones who think of themselves as worthy of love. you're IMPERFECT Embrace it. Dr. Brené Brown is a research professor at the University of Houston where she holds the Huffington Foundation – Brené Brown Endowed Chair at The Graduate College of Social Work. Brené is also a visiting professor in management at The University of Texas at Austin McCombs School of Business. Sufficiency isn't two steps up from poverty or one step short of abundance. It isn't a measure of barely enough or more than enough. Sufficiency isn't an amount at all. It is an experience, a context we generate, a declaration, a knowing that there is enough, and that we are enough.”

I loved the humor interlacing with facts that makes the information easy to follow, relate, and agreeable. Though, be ready for some scratchy but friendly honesties that might poke your pride. A Chinese idiom goes, “A good medicine tastes bitter,” which I think best describes this book. One. Gifts of Imperfection offers hope. The hope of a little respite from the harsh, perfectionistic voice in your head that criticizes not only you but every living soul in your purview, and that seeks, simultaneously, to raise you above those whom you’re castigating and criticizing, including your very own self (which, when you consider it, is weird). That’s the first thing. And it's a good thing. Two stars for that, I say.

You may have noticed a theme in my last couple posts. I'm rundown, overwhelmed and I realize that, while my priorities are right in my head, they aren't in reality. So the book I'm reviewing today really came at a perfect time in my own personal crisis. In fact, as I was reading along yesterday (yes, I totally procrastinated reading it due to other books taking up my precious little reading time) I thought to myself, "This book could be companion material for President Uchtdorf's talk at conference!" (I'm making President Uchtdorf's talk my personal touchstone until I really get it, by the way.)(Because I really don't get it yet.) Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead (2012)

SO POWERFUL!!! ----> “Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy – the experiences that makes us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of light." I really like Brene Brown--she gave a terrific and funny TED talk about her research concerning the importance of vulnerability, of imperfection, of failure, and so I read her book. I think her thesis is superb, her research about shame and wholeheartedness really interesting, and the message of the book necessary to modern life. But! I can't help it. I hoped for a little more "perfectionism" in the writing (and structuring! of the book as a whole) which could have used another round or two of editing. (I'm sorry, Brene! Old habits die hard.) STILL, it is an important idea and worth reading. We cannot selectively numb emotions, when we numb the painful emotions, we also numb the positive emotions.” I'm a knowledge geek who definitely approaches everything head-first. This is often a very successful way to interact in the knowledge society, particularly those of academia and medicine, but lends itself to certain deficits that have become obvious as I work through some caregiver burnout and moral injury.

One of the greatest barriers to connection is the cultural importance we place on "going it alone." Somehow we've come to equate success with not needing anyone. Many of us are willing to extend a helping hand, but we're very reluctant to reach out for help when we need it ourselves. It's as if we've divided the world into "those who offer help" and "those who need help." The truth is that we are both.”

Also I think it is admirable not to eviscerate your family, but I guess it is weird to read a book so balanced about feeling insane and then is is all just flat positive about her husband and her children, who have to be annoying sometimes or she's leaving out "they are robots." I was't crazy with the style of the chapters and the 'jargon/lingo'. For example, the author repeats herself ...over and over that when people are overwhelmed they should dig deep: DIG...(deliberate in their thoughts and behaviors through prayer, meditation, and stating their intentions; be inspired to make new and different choices, and GET GOING!). ... I sincerely was trying to find a some value, since I was reading this book and there was one section that did standout to me:I shall now summarize the book's precepts: Feel Good About Yourself. Be Compassionate and Grateful. Blah blah Laugh Dance Love blah blah. Understanding the connection between boundaries, accountability, acceptance, and compassion allows us to accept others - and ourselves more: the ways they are... no need to fix their problems... Nothing to blame... Ten Guideposts for Wholehearted Living: (highly recommend the book to learn more about each guide posts in depth.) When looking for the attributes associated with masculinity, the researchers identified these as important attributes for men: emotional control, primacy of work, control over women, and pursuit of status. That means if men want to play it safe, they need to stop feeling, start earning, and give up on meaningful connection.

Spirituality is recognizing and celebrating that we are all inextricably connected to each other by a power greater than all of us, and that our connection to that power and to one another is grounded in love and compassion. Practicing spirituality brings a sense of perspective, meaning and purpose to our lives.”The author references a lot of other researchers and their work. Their conclusions were some of the more insightful parts of the book. Not due to any fault on Brown's part, but simply because I do not need or want self-help books. She seems to be focusing on a reader that is obsessed with her own flaws or who is a perfectionist and self-hater. I am none of these things. We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honor the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness and affection. Skip a grade ... (LISTEN TO), "Rising Strong", ... rather than 'read this' book. There are more stories & more empowering tools for your tool belt! I don't normally read books found in the self-help category. Nothing against the category; I've just found that my path to self-knowledge needs a different process. Still, every few years I give one a try, and a friend's review of The Gifts of Imperfection happened to catch me at the right moment. It was serendipitous because I was just at the moment where this made a profound impact.