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How to Talk to Your Cat About Gun Safety: And Abstinence, Drugs, Satanism, and Other Dangers That Threaten Their Nine Lives

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are often, as it is commonly said, all bark and no bite. Instruct your cat to fire a warning shot if an angry or aggressive dog confronts them. This will be enough to scare most dogs away without resorting to bloodshed. Remember, when firing a warning shot, always fire down into the ground, not into the air! (Note: if you own a dog, do not use the advice in this book to educate them about firearms. Please refer to our guidebook “How to Talk to Your Dog About Gun Safety” instead.) How to Talk to Your Cat About Gun Safety, by Zachary Auburn, is a collection of pamphlets on how to prepare your cat for just about everything - gun safety, satanism, drugs, the end of the world, and more. The book is a satire on guides such as this and right wing conservatism, but has some pretty great laugh out loud moments. It's a little weird when reading these pamphlets, as I was left wondering if the writer believes his rhetoric, but there is enough nonsensical statements in there that are contradictory to prove otherwise. There are several other pamphlets contained in this one, including talking to your cat about Abstinence, and about Postapocalyptic Survival. and there's good, practical advice to be extracted: Instead of presenting your cat with a toy mouse to play with, have your cat bat around the iodine tablets he'll use to purify tainted water. Rather than having your kitten chase around a laser pointer, teach her how to hotwire an abandoned car. It’s also important to remember that cats can be very sensitive creatures so it’s best not to lose your temper or yell at them if they accidentally shoot one of their own kittens by mistake. You don’t want them thinking that there’s something wrong with them because of this accident; instead, try being kind and loving towards your feline friend so that they know how much you care about them! Talk slowly and calmly

How to Talk to Your Cat About Gun Safety: And Abstinence How to Talk to Your Cat About Gun Safety: And Abstinence

Going into heat is the cat version of getting a period; essentially, it's how God punishes girl cats for Eve's sin in the Garden of Eden. Just like a human woman, cats in heat will behave in erratic or irrational ways as their brain becomes addled with female hormones. An oft-neglected aspect of gun safety is knowing how to wield your firearm against your enemy in an appropriate fashion. All the safety training in the world will do no good if your cat isn’t purrpared with the specific tactics and strategy needed against a given foe. Here are pointers for some of the most commonly encountered dangers to our furry friends. i wanted to love this SO BADLY! i saw the first part of this collection in zine-form at quimby's in chicago,the last two chapters, on post-apocalyptic survival and satanism, are pure crazytown and feel discordant from the previous topics. It is frequently said that curiosity killed the cat, but what is often left unsaid is that the actual cause of death was the improper discharge of a firearm by a poorly trained feline. Cats are inquisitive creatures, no doubt about it. They are going to explore every nook and cranny of your home. And if you keep a firearm in your place of residence (which you should), it is only a matter of time before your cat discovers it. Pawse for a meowment to think about which scenario you would rather have play out: the puberty segment covers bullying, body changes, masturbation, sexting, kitty porn, video games, ho mewsexuality, etc. where we learn that and what would conservative propaganda be without a little lesson in tolerance?: If your cat tells you they're gay, or even if you suspect they are, it's important to let your cat know you love them - no matter what - even if Jesus won't because of their horrible sins.

How to Talk to Your Cat about Gun Safety: And Abstinence How to Talk to Your Cat about Gun Safety: And Abstinence

and finally...satanism. basically, satan is everywhere, in every form of entertainment, lurking around every corner. I have said many times that cats improve everything. Cute, cuddly, graceful and all around appealing, who could do other than smile when faced with an adorable feline. How to Talk to Your Cat About Gun Safety proves otherwise. Well, maybe not, if you take away the rest you are left with a cat.

3. Common Misconceptions about Cat Gun Safety

No, of course your cat should have access to all the weaponry our Founding Fathers risked their lives to guarantee us, whether it be a simple Beretta 9mm or a fully automatic AK-47. However, if your cat is going to use a firearm for hunting, it is important to make sure that they are properly licensed, that they do not fire the gun within five hundred feet of a residential area, and that they understand the importance of wearing a highly visible orange hunting vest. Further, since cats are color blind, it is advisable that you mark the vest in some way so your cat will be able to tell it apart from any other non-orange vests they own of a similar cut. For over four decades, the American Association of Patriots have stood at the vanguard of our country's defense by helping to prepare our nation's cat owners for the difficult conversations they dread having with their pets. Written in a simple Q and A format, HOW TO TALK TO YOUR CAT ABOUT GUN SAFETY answers crucial questions such as, 'What is the right age to talk to my cat about the proper use of firearms?' and 'What are the benefits of my cat living a lifestyle of abstinence?' and especially 'Why does my cat need to use the internet? Can't he just play with yarn like cats used to do?'

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