Rollie EggMaster Vertical Grill as seen on TV! The fast, easy, pan-free way to make perfect eggs every time. But if I have to say something about this whole thing, despite its catastrophic flaws, it’s that the Rollie® Eggmaster Vertical Grill is still probably the best thing I’ve ever used to cook food, because it consistently screws everything up. Mix all the ingredients in a bowl and pour into the Eggmaster cooking chamber. Do not fill the cooking chamber more than half-way. Just like all the best foods (cakes, muffins, etc.) these eggs rise! After about seven minutes the egg roll rose gracefully out of the Rollie, sending us into a frenzied panic whilst we rushed to transfer this miracle of science onto a plate with the dignity and speed it deserved. As I feared, the pancake-covered sausage didn’t cook all the way through. I wiped the tears from my eyes and decided to try something different.

Rollie Egg cooker Automatic Electric Vertical (Stainless Rollie Egg cooker Automatic Electric Vertical (Stainless

The Egg Master has to be observed in all its slow-mo action to be truly appreciated. Video by Rhik Samadder. Guardian Well? I put the meat onto a skewer, and formed the log with my hands to fit the hole. I fit my log in your mom’s hole last night. I’m sorry, that was rude of me to say. It just slipped out, forgive me. Then I poured the batter into the hole and jammed the log into it as far as it would go. Coincidentally, I also poured batter into your mom’s hole and jammed my log into it as far as it would go. The mushroom jammed the egg into the tube and I had to “prod it out with a skewer.” Plus it looked like me before I got that bris done yesterday. And it snapped off. The tip of my egg penis snapped off. I couldn’t even make an egg penis properly with this beautiful piece of shit.

Over the past week, we’ve pitted Mariya and El together in a series of egg-related challenges. They’ve tried fried egg shapers. They’ve tested fish egg separators. We didn’t see why this Rollie challenge should be any different. So we gave them a whole host of condiments and challenged them to make their egg roll the most delicious.

Rollie Egg Cooker: New Machine Makes Omelettes on a Stick Rollie Egg Cooker: New Machine Makes Omelettes on a Stick

I made one last thing — a cheese stuffed hamburger tur — er, kabob. See that pool of grease? That’s what came out of the meat. Basically, the meat boiled in its own absurd amount of fat. At least the skewer didn’t give up this time. Not like you did on me, Dad. This is the egg tube from the video. When you cut it in half, you can see it’s pretty much the same thing as a hard-boiled egg. The texture is a little crispy on the outside and the inside is hard-cooked. Whatever. I ate it and it tasted fine, though that burning plastic smell made me wonder if I just got cancer. The recipe book has some pretty interesting recipes. Did I say interesting? I’m sorry, I meant “horrendous.” Cook 5-7 minutes, until the food rises out of the cooking chamber. To remove the food, tilt the appliance and gently prod the food out with a skewer. The instructions say that the eggs will rise, not that they will actually come all the way out of the Eggmaster. I tried it a second time and the Eggmaster actually ejected the entire tube onto the floor.Hold your skewer in the centre of the Rollie as the egg starts to cook to make sure it’s centred in your food. Otherwise, it can fall to one side. We have to crown the Rollie as the true victor here though as the judge then went on finish both egg rolls. Eating four eggs in one sitting is no mean feat! Top Rollie Tips Not long after it started cooking, the meat started rising out of the hole like the egg, but it stopped halfway. I guess the sausage constipated the Eggmaster. That wasn’t a good sign though — that meant the meat by the opening probably wasn’t fully cooked.

How to Use the Rollie Vertical Egg Cooker - eSpares

The Rollies is the easiest way to make eggs. Eggs might seem like an atypical kabob, but they're delicious right off the wooden skewer. But there's so much more cooking potential here than just eggs! You can even make French toast, Greek tortillas, and desserts! It uses “vertical cooking technology.” I guess horizontal cooking technology wasn’t good enough. As you can see, it’s truly a remarkable product. It is also very, very, stupid. The Rollie Eggmaster shits out your eggs. I’m not sure you read that correctly. I will repeat it one more time. The Rollie Eggmaster shits out your eggs.For this test, I found this cool brand of breakfast sausage called “ Old Folks.” I’m not sure why that’s in quotation marks. Also, I hoped that the sausage was actually made out of old folks. The label certainly made it seem that way. A recipe mentioned a pancake and sausage roll — I ate one once or twice in high school. It’s like a breakfast corn dog, where the hot dog part is a breakfast sausage, and the batter is made of pancake. Good ol’ America. You can supposedly make hamburgers and pancakes in the Eggmaster too. I just went to the grocery store and looked for things I could make that could eventually take the shape of a penis.

The Rollie Egg Cooker shoots out cooked eggs in a cylinder The Rollie Egg Cooker shoots out cooked eggs in a cylinder

Also, when the Eggmaster is on, it emits the smell of burning plastic, which is not something I normally look for in cooking equipment. I prepared myself mentally for death in case my apartment burned down while I watched an egg get shat out onto the floor. What happened next was beyond my wildest dreams. I took a video. Watch it until the end because there’s a surprise.