His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage

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If you have sexual fantasies, that is a good indicator that sex is high on your list of emotional needs. Because of this lack of understanding, the couple unknowingly works at crosspurposes, each trying to fulfill the needs he or she feels, not the needs the mate feels. This means that your partner should always treat you with respect, even if they don’t agree with you or think you’re wrong. But the more I dealt with unfaithful Christian clients and other people with deep moral convictions, the more I understood the power of our basic emotional needs.

His Needs, Her Needs: Building a Marriage That Lasts His Needs, Her Needs: Building a Marriage That Lasts

Once you understand this, you can start working on meeting those needs in a way that won’t frustrate or anger them. Just as kind words can make serious love unit deposits, harsh words and criticism make serious withdrawals.

Any Man Can Learn to Be Affectionate Affection is so important for women that they become confused when their husband doesn’t respond in kind. Family commitment is the active participation in the raising of the children with their moral and educational needs. This stereotyping (sex, respect, admiration, even affection) idea has been used by men to avoid truly hearing their wives, but instead assume they already KNOW them, put labels on them, judge them, when they clearly don’t know them as individuals now.

His Needs, Her Needs: Building a Marriage That Lasts - Goodreads His Needs, Her Needs: Building a Marriage That Lasts - Goodreads

In the next chapter I’ll confront the woman in an effort to explain why, for men, sex is not just one of several ways to end a lovely evening. I’ve mentioned hugging several times because I believe it is a skill most men need to develop to show their wife affection. Although these types of affairs may also cause deep problems in marriage, my experience shows that they are more easily dealt with than the relationship that combines sex (usually very passionate sex) with the feeling of love. Romantic love is a litmus test that reveals the right way for couples to demonstrate their caring love for each other. That does not imply that all needs are to be met by a spouse, but that there are a few basic needs that most of us strictly reserve for the marriage bond.

Having sex with Bob was wonderful, because Jolene could release all her emotions and become thoroughly involved. Ans: If your partner is not meeting your needs in a relationship, it might be because he doesn’t understand them or doesn’t care about them. A greeting card or a note expressing love and care can simply but effectively communicate the same emotions.

His Needs, Her Needs: Making Romantic Love Last (How to

I would like to think that a reply to a blog post can offer some comfort for someone facing trauma, but my finding is that such deep hurt requires more. She has encouraged me to take her hand, and I’m glad to do so, because I know she enjoys that and it says something she wants to know. But Ted’s failure to provide affection combined with Paula’s very low need for admiration made her feel particularly uncared for when he focused most of his attention on her physical attributes. You can affair-proof your marriage by making sure you meet the emotional needs of your spouse, and your spouse meeting your emotional needs. The good and fabulous experiences far outnumber the occasional negative ones, and Mary’s balance soon stands at 500 love units.

Note that John’s account in Mary’s Love Bank holds steady, because John is helping to meet a very special need in her life right now—getting an education. He just knows how much he loves it and assumes that what he enjoys must feel at least as good to her.

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When the wife wants more sex but is turned away by the husband, she needs to get creative in finding out what is causing his sexual shyness. At the end of their first year of marriage, her net gain from the previous year adds up to 100 units. Whenever she cuddled up for a hug or a little kiss, Richard became sexually aroused almost immediately.It was very difficult to find anyone willing to admit his or her failure, but when I had access to actual cases, I couldn’t find any therapist who could prove that the counseling provided was any better than no counseling at all. John is proud of his attractive wife and feels particularly pleased with how she handles details around the house while still keeping her secretarial job on a part-time basis. So when John starts feeling frustrated due to Mary’s lack of time for sex (or anything else but studying, it seems), he shares his frustration with Noreen and finds her quite sympathetic.