At Cheeky Wipes, we're used to talking bodily functions, whether that's nappy changing, adult bum wiping, periods, we're not prudish.

But we all know the usual sexting suspects by now — eggplant emoji, peach emoji, pointing finger at OK hand symbol emoji. The ever popular London Jack Off Club at The Bunker Bar is always busy with lads waiting to give you a helping hand! The wipes will clean up the evidence and no one will ever know that you were spending time with the little mister. Off the clock, they can be found testing out cupcake recipes, collecting dolls, and watching Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure for the millionth time. May is National Masturbation Month, and we're celebrating with Feeling Yourself, a series exploring the finer points of self-pleasure.

And chatting last night over a glass of wine, we realised that at least some of our teenage sons were using Cheeky Wipes after, ahem, a sneaky you know what. If they've got a penis, it's there to be played with (and probably has been since they were toddlers and could reach down with their chubby little fists to grab it). Though you might need to provide an explanation to whoever you're sending them to, really the only important thing is that you know what's going on. The world's most recognizably phallic veggie may still reign supreme, but it's time to retire the ol' eggplant for a while.

Having given it some thought, we think that our rainbow bamboo velour wipes would be the best option. When life gets a little stiff or all of that built up aggression becomes too much to handle a bit of alone time can make the day better and take a load off.Mashable is a registered trademark of Ziff Davis and may not be used by third parties without express written permission. To help you out, we've compiled some emoji that are perfect for subtly sexting your date, having a laugh amongst friends, or quickly alerting your roommate to steer clear of your room for the next hour.