Well, no. It’s a kid’s show. And if anything that’s putting it loosely. In fact, Cocomelon is a just series of three hour-long nursery rhyme compilations. The first episode – Cocomelon Sing-Alongs: Playdate With JJ – begins with a song called First Day at School. Over a melody pitched nebulously between Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and This Old Man He Played One, a CGI toddler (think Pixar by way of a debilitating radiation leak) expresses nerves about starting school. His family prepares him by endlessly drilling him on what he needs to take, what he needs to do and the precise level of emotion he should be experiencing. He goes to school. It’s fine. The song ends. Three minutes have passed. Another 57 remain.