This “friend” is what my 20-something son would can a dumpster fire. She lies about the circumstances and is trying to play the victim. You had an emotional investment there that is now shattered. I wouldn’t give my support here, but yes, she needs to make her own decisions. That would be all that I would say if someone was wanting me involved. Mind started erasing me too by moving all her furniture into the house (of course I only realised this afterwards)- an oversized television (we always had crummy ones), a pilates machine (which was great to hang the washing on), some god awful oversized lamp that made the house look like it was about to be launched into space – every other week some random item was introduced into the house – I assumed ex had turned a new leaf because he rarely bought anything (that I could benefit from at least). I only started to twig something was amiss me when I walked past his normally messy wardrobe and saw his clothes neatly folded and colour coded (ready for the workplace scrag to move in) – it was a very Sleeping with the Enemy moment.

It’s pretty remarkable the writer would protect a cheater when she was cheated on herself.Hasn’t learned anything at all yet I guess about the deep damage cheating does to ppl or even herself.You know how Voldemort in those first Harry Potter films what referred to as “He who shall remain nameless”? If the situation was reversed, if you were having the affair, would HE be okay with you working with OM? Absolutely not! He’d probably do what Richard Gere did in “Unfaithful”– kill OM and hide the body. I know I toyed with the idea more than once… When L told me about the affair I did my best to be supportive, but I saw all the signs of abuse and trauma S was experiencing. She had stopped having sex with him and started getting caught in lies about her naughty communication with other guys. L was gaslighting S to the point of him acting irrational and in her eyes “controlling” (insert eye roll). She became so spiteful and hateful of him and I begged her to leave him.

I needed “content note” at the beginning of your post to warn me of your impressive display of arrogance. I don’t think that lightens the tragedy, I think people need to know how bad it is and how bad it can get. The actual reality of abusing one’s partner this way instead of just giggling about taboo sex. I thank you for sharing your story, people need to know how bad it is. Sadly suicidal thoughts can come out of nowhere and I have to disagree with Sally on her point below: My ex was a professional. If he could find one person to enable him, he would continue living any lie. I did some research and found that sociopaths are vindictive if they are exposed. The one I married was. You are new around these parts and may not have understood the context of CLs comment about objective truth. She is not claiming to determine truth for the entire universe, she is saying that the facts of what happens in a relationship where betrayal occurred/is occurring is important. Most people here dealt with a partner who clearly betrayed but minimized/denied their lies/ deeds with denials of objective truth.He put HER career before OUR marriage, her before me. That’s why we’re divorced, my girls are estranged from their father, and OW’s enjoying a cushy post doc at a prestigious university – because XH refused to do what the dentist is trying to do, put his marriage first. Leaving that aside, adding a content warning at the start of the post so people can take care when reading is a good idea. Content notes are not censorship, they’re just warnings: if you add them, people can be advised that there’s heavy stuff in the letter, and can make an informed choice whether to engage, or not, or how or when.