Mike sets down the cabinet he was lifting and saunters over to meet us. "Hey! So you're our neighbors. Nice to meet you all!" He shakes my mom's hand, then my dad's. Mike then turns and yells "Hey girls! Come meet the new neighbors!" The three girls race on over, grinning from ear to ear. Mike introduces them one at a time. Our oldest daughter is Riley, and she's 10 years old." Riley bounces on over and shakes my parents' hands. "Pleased to meet you!" she says. I know that look in her eye. She thinks she's found a way to get me out of the house more. If I say no, she'll just hound me relentlessly until I submit.

Mike says "You can hang out with them at your house or ours, it doesn't matter. Just keep an eye on them and make sure they don't get into any trouble." Mom..." I say, rolling my eyes. She's always trying to push me to socialize and get out of my room more. Meet people, it's good for you! Yadda yadda yadda... Very good, Evy. See, was that so hard?" says Mike. "Okay girls, you can go play now. Just make sure to unload your things from the moving van before it gets dark!" My heart races at the prospect, but I'm also a little worried. Would I be able to control myself around three rambunctious little girls? I generally avoid children given my... interests.This is Tera, our middle child." says Laura. "She's 7. Say hello, dear!" Tera skips over to us. When she skips, her skirt flips up enough for me to glimpse her panties, which are a light green color with white stripes. "Nice to meet you!" she says. The couple look at each other, then turn to me. Mike says "Actually... we could use some help in the afternoons. We both work late you see, and we haven't been able to line up a babysitter yet."

Suddenly remembering something, Mike says "Oh, shoot! You didn't actually introduce yourself to the girls, did you?" I don't suppose you'd be interested in that, would you Rei?" says Laura with a hopeful look in her eyes. Hot babysitter turns out to be part of a satanic cult that kills people as sacrifice. Pretty standard stuff, right?

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As we approach the couple, they turned to greet us. "Hello! Welcome to the neighborhood!" says my mom. That's our youngest son." says my mom. "He works from home, and has a lot of free time. So if you ever need any help with things he's usually around." My considerations are interrupted when my mother blurts out "Of course he would love to, wouldn't you Rei?" Still, it's worth remembering the whole experience was very enjoyable and funny. Sometimes even edge-of-your-seat tense. The few jumpscares weren't effective in the least, even though a shame, it was to be expected and did not affect my entertainment (and should not affect yours either). It turns out that the movie starts with a "boom": funny, well paced, well edited and actually smart for once. Cinematography, lightening and, again, editing were innovative and riveting (somewhat remembered me of Nicolas Winding Refn) but the cutting-edge aspects died down as the movie stalled through the common route taken by many other horror movies. Along that path, absurdity grew as the originality diminished, resulting in a predictability, but once again showed improvement in the last few minutes of the film.