Loving People Who Are Hard to Love: Transforming Your World by Learning to Love Unconditionally

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But the Lord is asking us to love that person through our actions. I love Exodus 23:5—it’s so practical. It says, If you see the donkey of one who hates you lying [helpless] under his load, you shall refrain from leaving the man to cope with it alone; you shall help him to release the animal. Before pointing out another person’s shortcomings, how will realizing that you are sometimes the difficult person change the way you act and react? Speak to a certified relationship counselor about this issue. Why? Because they have the training and experience to help you explore the feeling of being hard to love and work on the issues you identify. You may want to try speaking to someone via RelationshipHero.com for practical advice that is tailored to your exact circumstances. 1. You’re overly independent.

No one wants to be around someone who constantly criticizes them. If you constantly point out your partner’s mistakes and shortcomings, it makes sense that you’re hard to love. You’re supposed to make your partner feel good about themselves, not bad. Maybe you never give them compliments, and you don’t know how to receive compliments yourself. This is another problem that you should work on to have a more fulfilling love life. If you asked my children to tell you the principles I have most tried to instill in them, one would most assuredly say, “As far as it be unto you, keep the peace” (Romans 12:18). They would also likely tell you that our words are so powerful that they can bless or curse others, and we should use them as a blessing to love others well. “The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit” (Proverbs 18:21 NIV).Most of the pain and anguish we receive from other people is a result of their own pain. I often say that hurting people hurt people. When someone is miserable, it inevitably comes out somewhere—and it usually comes out on somebody. When someone hurts our feelings or offends us, we have a choice. We can think, You did this on purpose just to upset me! Or we can choose to believe the best and think:

Work on your communication skills. Focus more on the person who’s talking than on what you want to say to them. Show that you’re listening by asking them questions to understand them better and prolong the conversation. Be willing to learn more about what they are telling you and be interested in doing so. People want to feel heard, especially if they care about you. Some people believe they are unlovable and subconsciously set themselves on a path akin to a self-fulfilling prophecy. Difficult relationships, then, not only make us more like Christ, but in doing so, they heighten our confidence that we are his and will spend eternity with him. They show us that we are real. As much as we feel tempted to grumble about the hard-to-love people in our lives, God has put them there as opportunities for us to know, deep down, that our faith is genuine. The inevitable stress and friction we experience in loving one another are meant to uncover more of God’s love for us and inflame our love for him even more. Refill Your Well Yes, there are times when it’s healthy to talk to someone about an issue. And there are obvious cases like abuse where it’s important to let others know. But for most day-to-day offenses, the Lord asks us to love and protect people. Help Them If They Need Help...and Don’t Gloat! Here’s a news flash for you — Every human being is 100% loveable precisely as they are. The truth is it has nothing to do with them and everything to do with your ability to love. You get to choose.

18. You lie a lot.

Of course you’re busy. We all are. But when everything in your life comes before love, there’s a problem. You have to make time for friends and relationships. All that hard work to get to the top means nothing if you’re always alone and have no one to celebrate with. Think about your priorities and spare some time for love. It’s not just difficult to love a woman who insists she has no time to be loved, it’s downright impossible. 3. Want a partner? Attract love with the power of your mind.

When we allow those thoughts to generate negative emotions it doesn’t feel good. We automatically assume it is the person who is making us feel bad when it’s really our thoughts about the person.In other words, you’re a diva. I hate to break it to you, but you’re not perfect. You have flaws too. Thinking others should bow down to your perfection just means others are going to walk the other way. Be more realistic and realize you have some not-so-wonderful qualities. That doesn’t make you unworthy of love, but it does mean you should be a bit more humble when judging others. 7. You like making guys cry. Year after year, all of us are hard to love, and we’re all called to love someone who’s hard to love. While the stubbornness of our struggles may surprise us, they do not surprise God — and they do not exhaust the power of his Spirit. In fact, he often does his most important work in us through the most difficult relationships. One Secret for Difficult Relationships What does Paul say next in Romans 5? “Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings” (Romans 5:3) — including our difficult, broken, and contentious relationships. We do not merely tolerate or survive what (and who) we suffer, but we rejoice in our sufferings. Why?

Often, our behavior is a culmination not just of what we are facing in the moment, but of past experiences impacting current situations. When we are faced with loving someone who is hard to love, it often helps if we remember that their thoughts, attitudes, opinions, and behavior that we see on the outside not only reflects them in the moment, but is also a reflection of their inner past hurts, wounds, and brokenness.Yet what amazes me about Moses is that he didn’t retaliate against this annoying group of people. He didn’t even defend himself against the harsh accusations. Instead, he demonstrated amazing humility and compassion on those he led, repeatedly interceding for them. The truth is, we’re never going to be able to prevent people from saying or doing things that hurt our feelings. We will always have opportunities to get offended. But if we do things God’s way, we can choose to save ourselves a lot of misery and hardship. Jesus modeled perfect love for us. Perfect love is sacrificial. It goes above and beyond what is required. It remembers that in extending love to others, we demonstrate our love for God. The world seems to have more anger, hatred and violence than ever before. Christians can make a difference in the world and that includes learning how to love people we think hard to love.