How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids

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Plus, leaving is a great way to get Dad involved in those early months without having someone critique the way he does things. Say “thank you” a lot A couple years since the birth, they have found better ways to communicate and strengthened their relationship.

If you only ever read one self-help book let it be this one. It's almost a five for one deal in that the author has painstakingly researched and ferreted out the best of the best in various areas of psychology that is vital for a healthy marriage. I think that many, if not most women can relate to the cover image of this book. The harried, flustered mother just trying to get by day by day with as much sanity as she started with, while her frustratingly nonchalant husband casually lives life by the seat of his pants. Probably because he has what we don't...a wife looking out for everything! Recommended for parents of all ages, How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids contains wisdom for just about every troublesome situation that one may find themselves in after children. Let's hope the book can live up to its title. Dunn talks about her “everyone sort of wins” approach to weekends, making sure they take the time to discuss what things need to happen for each person to “sort of win” that weekend and then making sure that they happen.

How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids

We’ve all heard the importance of continuing to connect and strengthen our relationships after kids so this one wasn’t a surprise. But I did love the idea of setting aside time to talk about things other than the kids. In Virginia, US, Erin always considered herself a busy, independent person with multiple hobbies and interests. One of the most important to her was fitness – she even worked with a personal trainer while pregnant. But after her son was born, that time and freedom to care for herself vanished.

It's led to "verbal jabs" and frustrating conversations that rarely resolve anything. "It never ends well for us,” she says. I was 50% of the problem," says Dunn, adding that she developed a temper that "still causes me a lot of shame". She would yell at her husband; he would retreat into his phone, "traumatised", which made her angrier. Frustrated and finding that attempts at communication only seemed to lead to fighting, she considered separation. They figured their new roles would fall into place seamlessly; her husband already shouldered half the housework, so she assumed the labour of parenting would be equally split, too. Rather than discuss potential issues that might arise, they spent their time talking about what colour they'd paint the nursery, what they'd name the baby and their registry. Finding the tasks your mate can't tolerate if they're neglected, and then foisting them on him, is an exciting game of strategy" (p257)Once she started writing and researching her book, however, she realised that wasn't the case: some 95% of the couples she spoke to said they'd struggled after having a baby, but felt like they were the only ones, which added "shame on top of everything else that young parents are going through", says Dunn.

What you want is fewer things circulating in your brain, and for as many things to run on autopilot as possible, such as meal planning" (p234) Becoming a parent isn't the only cause of new conflicts, says Stacey Sherrell, a family therapist in California. But pre-baby, couples generally have more time to focus on issues like poor communication. That's more difficult when a child is added to the mix. However, there is some solidarity to be found – particularly online. While the highlight reel of happy families on social media can make some struggling parents feel isolated, others find support in digital communities where others candidly share their difficult experiences. what Brene Brown tells me is her 'boundary mantra': choose discomfort over resentment. As she says, 'Ask yourself, 'Am I saying yes because it's more comfortable to say yes now, but I'll be more resentful at the end?'" (p235)

Mental-health issues, which also are common in the prenatal and postnatal period, can introduce further challenges. Postnatal depression, for example, affects around one in four mothers and one in ten fathers. When Matt, in Michigan, became a father, the postpartum period was more difficult than he ever had imagined. His wife had a traumatic birth; then his son had allergies and feeding issues. And neither he nor his wife had much nearby support. time out, photo, and "I know that what I'm about to do is going to cause you harm, but right now, my anger is more important to me than you are." (<\3) a woman's free time is likely to be 'contaminated,' as one study put it, by other things, such as taking care of kids or housework." (p99) It's good to share household chores just to help spread the load, but there can be some interesting Read more